Now That Hits the Spot | Mental Poo

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Now That Hits the Spot

K.

I'm back after the sobfest from the other day.

Thanks to all of you who sent your awesome thoughts.

But now I'm back and ready to roll.

You're welcome.

Now...onward and with full humorous force!!

*********************************

Chicks will totally dig me now.

Let me explain.

I finally had my very last orthopedist appointment regarding my mangled, broken, surgically enhanced finger.

Here's how that went:

Dr.: "So..do you have any questions?"

Me: "Yeah...um...it still feels really tight and hurts a bit."

Hot nurse: "I'll show you something really tight..."

Then I woke up.

I watch a lot of porn.

I've digressed.

Dr.: "It will feel that way for a while. You're at 3 months. After 6 months, though, it is what it is...that's how it will be for the rest of your life."

Thanks, doc.

How fucking uplifting you are.

Here...here's a shiv made from a spork...

Why don't you stick me with it...right here...side of the neck.

Thanks in advance.


I had one last question:

Me: "Now...I still can't straighten it."

On a related note, that exact same sentence got me a prescription of Levitra from my normal physician.

Apparently, this is probably about as straight as it's going to get.

Here's my hand, with my fingers straightened out:


Fucking ay.

It's going to STAY like this?!

Then...

...it dawned on me.

With a little ingenuity, and some savvy marketing...

I'm going to be in high demand.

Because I know what this reminds me of now.


LOOK OUT, LADIES!!

That's right.

I'm now in possession of a lethal weapon of the G-Spot kind.

Broken, crippled hand?!

FUCK NO!

SEXYTIME FINGER OF FUN is more like it!

Now available for party rentals.

Inquire within.

That's what she said.

26 comments:

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Looks like you might be at a disadvantage for handing out The Shocker, though.

The Peach Tart said...

Oh la la!

Winky Twinky said...

Hmmm...a deadly weapon AND pleasure tool.. double threat!

Blonde Goddess said...

I don't know if I've ever told you this before but Mr.Man has the same problem with his finger.
It's one of the reasons I married him.
So let's just say that I think you're on to something there and leave it at that, ok?

Christina_the_wench said...

Does it come in other colors?

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

You can be part of the boyband "Fingerbang" on South Park now.

Mike said...

It's a pinky on a guy who's 5'2" tall.

The only dildoing you'll successfully do is on virgins.

And maybe anus's.

Good luck with that eh?

moooooog35 said...

Mjenks: ..or the best shocker ever?!?

So you'd think...but that's my LEFT hand. I'm a righty.

Shocker city, baby. Shocker. City.

Peach: At $25/hour...this may be the best way to spend your husband's money.

Just sayin'.

Winky: I'm like Jackie Chan but completely opposite.

BG: He has a surgically repaired hand from a karate sparring incident leaving him with a plate and three screws as well?

Creepy.

Christina: Only if I drink chocolate milk or assorted food colorings right from the bottle.

Oh. Does IT come in other colors.

Nevermind.

Birdshit: That would be great if I was a cartoon.

Well..MORE cartoonish.

Mike: Sounds like you're volunteering.

Again.

Yay! My first customer!

Stacie's Madness said...

i love you. (and your finger)
looks like you bounced right back.

Funnyrunner said...

LLOL. Sure you're not making up for an insecurity for another body part? My favorite line: "why must I be so deadly!" llol

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

I'm at a loss for words. And that takes some doing.

LiLu said...

Is your pinky the clitoral stimula-

Never mind.

That's between you and your God.

FawkesFire said...

you're so optimistic it's cute. but you gotta give it a more savvy name then that....

good luck with the finger, btw. hope you heal up. take care!

ettarose said...

Yeah you definitely have to come up with a smooth name. How about "Moooooog's Mood Mangler" I think the middle finger would be just right.

moooooog35 said...

Stacie: If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, including this one, I'd have roughly a nickel.

Funnyrunner: I'm not making up for an insecurity.

I'm totally secure in the fact that I have a small love thimble.

Chris: Loss for words?

Dude...I counted 11 of them.

Lilu: Clitoral? Speak English, woman!!

Fawkes: I also have nice white teeth.

(trying to expand on my mysterious cuteness)

Ettarose: Moog's Mood Mangler? Jesus...that's my penis' name.

Kills the mood...every time.

j.fro said...

If the shocker is going to be challenging, than the Spocker is definitely out of the question!

coffeypot said...

Good news on your hand, Rob. I had my right hand crushed between to numismatic dyes and had several compound fractures. My hand now is 95% normal and I can still masturbate with glee, but my middle (social) finger will not straighten out. Luckily I can still titillate the ladies with it without it getting tired or soar, but I had months of therapy to get to this point. Enjoy your new oddity. You will have something to talk about at parties.

Alyxherself said...

Yeah, I was wondering if they ordered occupational therapy for you? if not, insist on it, please! It's worth the effort to recover your ligamenture and mobility. After 10 years as a medical receptionist I can say that my (non-standardised) survey reveals that those who recive post op therapy end up closer to or all the way at 100%.

Malicious Intent said...

But it's kinda small.

AD said...

LOL.

Malicious Intent stole what I was gonna say.
;]

Malach the Merciless said...

Trust me, could be much worse, I can;t straighten my right elbow

VE said...

Fingers are so last decade. Hoofs are all the rage now...

CatLadyLarew said...

Let's hear it for the Sexy Finger of Fun!

unfinishedrambler said...

Every cloud has a silver lining, doesn't it? :) And then some...

meleah rebeccah said...

ahahahahahah.


But in all seriousness I hope your pinky doesn't stay like that forever!

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