I'm back after the sobfest from the other day.
Thanks to all of you who sent your awesome thoughts.
But now I'm back and ready to roll.
Now...onward and with full humorous force!!
Chicks will totally dig me now.
Let me explain.
I finally had my very last orthopedist appointment regarding my mangled, broken, surgically enhanced finger.
Here's how that went:
Dr.: "So..do you have any questions?"
Me: "Yeah...um...it still feels really tight and hurts a bit."
Hot nurse: "I'll show you something really tight..."
Then I woke up.
I watch a lot of porn.
Dr.: "It will feel that way for a while. You're at 3 months. After 6 months, though, it is what it is...that's how it will be for the rest of your life."
How fucking uplifting you are.
Here...here's a shiv made from a spork...
Why don't you stick me with it...right here...side of the neck.
Thanks in advance.
I had one last question:
Me: "Now...I still can't straighten it."
On a related note, that exact same sentence got me a prescription of Levitra from my normal physician.
Apparently, this is probably about as straight as it's going to get.
Here's my hand, with my fingers straightened out:
It's going to STAY like this?!
...it dawned on me.
With a little ingenuity, and some savvy marketing...
I'm going to be in high demand.
Because I know what this reminds me of now.
LOOK OUT, LADIES!!
I'm now in possession of a lethal weapon of the G-Spot kind.
Broken, crippled hand?!
SEXYTIME FINGER OF FUN is more like it!
Now available for party rentals.
That's what she said.
Thursday, July 23, 2009