Alternate title for this post:
Suck it, Jesus!
But that might be pushing my luck.
Let me explain.
My son and I both entered a karate tournament over the weekend.
***** Sidebar *****
I'm 41 years old and just competed in a karate tournament.
Really fucking cool...or very, very sad?
Don't tell me your decision unless it's 'really cool and sexy' (women only).
***** End Sidebar *****
My son entered three categories: forms, self-defense, and sparring.
He did not place in 'forms' (note to myself here to berate him about this until he cries), but got second place in 'self-defense'...
...and FIRST FUCKING PLACE in 'sparring.' (fighting)
He placed first in his previous tournament in sparring, too.
My 6 year old is a WARRIOR.
A warrior who plays with Legos.
LEGOS OF DEATH!
Much more fierce.
Got to do something about not placing in that other event, though.
I didn't raise him to be a loser.
But he is a master of fighting.
He fought FOUR TIMES and won every match.
I was so proud.
...after winning the fourth match, he turned to the crowd...
...raised his hands up in victory...
And modest, too.
That wasn't too embarrassing.
I enrolled in the same three categories, but for the 'over 35' age group which is all BYOW.*
* Bring Your Own Walker
I placed first in self-defense and second in forms.
I'm awesome and then second-to-awesome.
Those average out to 'pretty fucking awesome.'
I see where Cam gets his modesty.
But then came sparring.
I was going against a guy that I go to class with, and two other guys - both higher belts - from different schools.
With my protective gear on and my mouthpiece in (shout out here to 'Madame Punishment'), I stepped into the ring..
..and beat the first guy 3-to-2.
Man went DOWN.
DOWN TOWN TO GET HIS PARKING VALIDATED AND THEN MAYBE SWING OVER AND GET HIMSELF A TACO.
I think I've gone a little too far with that phrase.
But I won my first fight.
I told you folks and you didn't believe me:
Five feet of fury, baby.
Five feet of fury.
After I won my first match, it was my friend, Brian's turn.
And he fought Jesus.
Stay tuned for Part Two where I have to fight God's only son.
That he knows of.
Totally going to Hell.