Q&A not T&A although T&A would have TOTALLY been better | Mental Poo

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Q&A not T&A although T&A would have TOTALLY been better


The questions came harder and faster than Tommy Lee waking from a coma in the middle of the Playboy Mansion.

Wow.

That visual even disturbed ME.

I asked my readers to fire away with things they wanted to know about me.

Both JenJen and Malicious Intent asked why any of you would care, and if I'm a narcissist to think that you would.

It's like they don't even KNOW me.

Whatever.

I won't answer either of those bitches because I'm better than them.

Thanks be to Rod.



Here are some of the questions, and my answers.

"What was your favorite brand of condoms back when you still used them?" - Travis

Back when I still used them, I think the only brand of condom was Trojan.

However, to say that I 'used' them was like saying people 'eat fruitcake they get in the mail.'

I have no idea what that means.

Let's just say that when I DID use condoms, I'd usually open the wrapper and all that would come out was dust.

Apparently, these things degrade if you don't use them.

The more you know.


I got the same question from THREE people:

"Well, have a great thanksgiving and questions?? really?? I gotta know what you do in real life. That's my question. Give it to me...give it to me gooooood, moooooooog." - Lee

..aand...

What DO you do at work that give you all the time to read, comment and post on the blog, FB and Twitter? Are you a BOSS? Remember, BOSS spelled backward is double SOB. - Coffeypot

...and...


"DOH!!! Coffeypot asked MY question! So make sure you answer it, cause I really want to know what you actually DO at work that leaves you so much time to blog, etc." - Olly


Believe it or not, I actually hold an degree in Architecture.

Yes.

I could be an architect.

However, the fact that I can barely erect my own penis pretty much doomed that career from the get-go.

As such, I actually work in the Quality Assurance department for a large network hardware/software company.

This means that I basically do jack shit and why most things I work on break right out of the box.

That's called 'making your own job security.'

Boss: "We can't fire Rodney - we need to keep testing these products!"

* wink


This also explains why we're losing the race to the Chinese.

But hey, if I worked, there wouldn't be this blog - so you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and I STILL wouldn't screw Natalie.



"If you could have any five people killed, who would it be and by what means would you have them whacked?" - Mr. Knucklehead

NOW we're talking!

In no particular order, I would have the following thing whacked:

1) My penis

Now..for the five people I'd have killed and how:

1) Rachael Ray

2) Whoopi Goldberg

3) Nancy Pelosi


Nancy Pelosi would walk in on a Rachael Ray/Whoopi Goldberg lesbian rendezvous.

Nancy's twisted distorted face exclaims, "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"

Rachael: "I'm eating Whoopi pie. It's Delish!"

At this point, Nancy kills both Rachael and Whoopi by heaving a single copy of the Healthcare reform bill, but simultaneously breaks her hip while trying to actually pick it up and dies alone in a puddle of her own obnoxiousness.

This whole thing would require planning, but I think I could pull it off.


4) Anyone who has me in their will/life insurance policy.

I will need specific names for this.

5) The guy driving in front of me in the passing lane who has left his turn signal on.

Jesus H. Christ.

I have to get to work.

This blog won't write itself.

For this, I shall use my hood-mounted canon.

I had this installed with the money left for me from person #4.

Plus he's old anyway. Might as well just get it over with.

****************

That's episode #1 of Q&A with Moooooog.

If you've asked some questions that I haven't gotten to yet, don't worry - I will.

If you have something you'd like to ask me, email me at midgetmanofsteel@yahoo.comand put 'Q&A' in the subject line.

But hopefully that gives you a little peek inside of me.

Just. Like. My. Proctologist.

Moog out.

23 comments:

CatLadyLarew said...

The truth emerges... slowly... slowly... too slowly.

Mars said...

Your own foot huh? How exactly does that work?

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I'm too dang tired to be witty or charming...damn kids...

JenJen said...

Only you can make vanity this funny moog!
Crap. I just stroked the ego thereby giving reason for this to be an annual post.

Vodka Logic said...

I asked you a question in a comment on a previous post.. can't remember what it was though

Mr. Knucklehead said...

I knew you wouldn't disappoint me, Mooger. Good work.

Swirl Girl said...

Never move to Florida- the home of the 'eventual left' (as we called it).

...and your an architect? As in a real life builder of buildins or as in the George Costanza architect cuz it sounds cool and a way to get the 'ladies'?

Deadpan said...

God, if I had a hood mounted cannon, I'd reinact(sp?) the ending to Star Wars every day.

"FIRING PHOTON TORPEDOS! PEWPEW!" *Car explodes*

"DAMNIT OFFICER I HAVE TO SAVE THE GALAXY. THESE ARE NOT THE DROIDS YOUR LOOKING FOR."

Olly said...

Now we know what you are supposed to do for a living, but how do you get away with the blogging at work?

I laughed at the condom comment. Apparently you have to do more with them than open the package. This would explain our two kids...

Don said...

Back when I should have used condoms beer was really cheap. I could buy a six pack of Old Milwaukee for the price of just under four condoms. Once I drank the beer I didn't give a rat's ass whether I had a condom on or not. I've got the kids to prove it...somewhere.

Coffeypot said...

Condoms have a "Pre-Ttested" logo and I want to know how I can get that job? Or do I ever want to put one on again. That's like having sloppy seconds.

Malicious Intent said...

And what did we learn here today?
Not a damn thing.

It would be noteworthy to learn how you fuck your own foot though.

Now that would be interesting.

Travis said...

Hey buddy!

Thanks for using my question first!

Condoms are lame, it's just the first thing that came to mind!

Erin said...

I am laughing so hard about Rachel eating Whoopie Pie that tears are running down my face...omg!

Malach the Merciless said...

You want a Pelosi - Raye threesome I can tell

ettarose said...

I was fine with the whole Q&A thing until...... I saw that disgusting used vagina looking bitch Pelosi. You sir have stooped to a new low.

Moooooog35 said...

CatLady: Huh. Usually things with me come all too quickly.

Mars: It requires the third toe from the left to be completely broken.

It's an art form, really.

Lee: Preaching to the choir, woman.

JenJen: Ha. You said 'stroked.'


Vodka: Perhaps you should lay off the liquor, then.

Nah.

Mr. Knucklehead: Yeah..it's usually the women who are gravely disappointed.

I suck.

SwirlGirl: Yes, an architect.

I have a diploma buried somewhere under piles of my kids' Legos to prove it.

Deadpan: We need to sell these things.

Where's Billy Mays when you need him?

Oh. Dead.

Nevermind.

What's the Shamwow guy up to?

Olly: I'm lucky my boss even knows when I'm in the office.

Yay for non-productivity.

Don: ...dad...?

Coffey: What they don't tell you is that they pretest them in replicas of Danny Devito's anus.

MalInt: You WOULD want to know that.

Sicko.

Travis: I was told you like feeling used, so I figured I'd give you the honor.

Erin: Tears for you..vomit for me.

poTAto..poTAHto

Malach: You see right through me.

Etta: If vaginas looked like Pelosi, I'd be all about the penis by now.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

nancy pelosi. dear lord save us all

kys said...

I'm always curious about the careers of you people who have the luxury of blogging from work. I'm jealous.

Malicious Intent said...

Yes I would.
So I want to know how does Mooooog Fuck his foot?

You said ask anything and you brought it up. So I want to know.

M.I. Out.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

OMG we have SOOOOO much in common. My Trojan wrappers have dust in them, too! Man, it sure is a small world.

mepsipax said...

Dude, wow just wow. You are fucked up more ways than a middle of the week family reunion. You know the one where only the out of work people come. Yeah sure, Uncle Billy I will read your screenplay.
But seriously, I am not gay but.... your humor is hawt.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

i missed this the first time around

i would ask why so many o's in mooooooog it's difficult and annoying

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