The questions came harder and faster than Tommy Lee waking from a coma in the middle of the Playboy Mansion.
That visual even disturbed ME.
I asked my readers to fire away with things they wanted to know about me.
Both JenJen and Malicious Intent asked why any of you would care, and if I'm a narcissist to think that you would.
It's like they don't even KNOW me.
I won't answer either of those bitches because I'm better than them.
Thanks be to Rod.
Here are some of the questions, and my answers.
"What was your favorite brand of condoms back when you still used them?" - Travis
Back when I still used them, I think the only brand of condom was Trojan.
However, to say that I 'used' them was like saying people 'eat fruitcake they get in the mail.'
I have no idea what that means.
Let's just say that when I DID use condoms, I'd usually open the wrapper and all that would come out was dust.
Apparently, these things degrade if you don't use them.
The more you know.
I got the same question from THREE people:
"Well, have a great thanksgiving and questions?? really?? I gotta know what you do in real life. That's my question. Give it to me...give it to me gooooood, moooooooog." - Lee
What DO you do at work that give you all the time to read, comment and post on the blog, FB and Twitter? Are you a BOSS? Remember, BOSS spelled backward is double SOB. - Coffeypot
"DOH!!! Coffeypot asked MY question! So make sure you answer it, cause I really want to know what you actually DO at work that leaves you so much time to blog, etc." - Olly
Believe it or not, I actually hold an degree in Architecture.
I could be an architect.
However, the fact that I can barely erect my own penis pretty much doomed that career from the get-go.
As such, I actually work in the Quality Assurance department for a large network hardware/software company.
This means that I basically do jack shit and why most things I work on break right out of the box.
That's called 'making your own job security.'
Boss: "We can't fire Rodney - we need to keep testing these products!"
This also explains why we're losing the race to the Chinese.
But hey, if I worked, there wouldn't be this blog - so you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and I STILL wouldn't screw Natalie.
"If you could have any five people killed, who would it be and by what means would you have them whacked?" - Mr. Knucklehead
NOW we're talking!
In no particular order, I would have the following thing whacked:
1) My penis
Now..for the five people I'd have killed and how:
1) Rachael Ray
2) Whoopi Goldberg
3) Nancy Pelosi
Nancy Pelosi would walk in on a Rachael Ray/Whoopi Goldberg lesbian rendezvous.
Nancy's twisted distorted face exclaims, "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"
Rachael: "I'm eating Whoopi pie. It's Delish!"
At this point, Nancy kills both Rachael and Whoopi by heaving a single copy of the Healthcare reform bill, but simultaneously breaks her hip while trying to actually pick it up and dies alone in a puddle of her own obnoxiousness.
This whole thing would require planning, but I think I could pull it off.
4) Anyone who has me in their will/life insurance policy.
I will need specific names for this.
5) The guy driving in front of me in the passing lane who has left his turn signal on.
Jesus H. Christ.
I have to get to work.
This blog won't write itself.
For this, I shall use my hood-mounted canon.
I had this installed with the money left for me from person #4.
Plus he's old anyway. Might as well just get it over with.
That's episode #1 of Q&A with Moooooog.
If you've asked some questions that I haven't gotten to yet, don't worry - I will.
If you have something you'd like to ask me, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org put 'Q&A' in the subject line.
But hopefully that gives you a little peek inside of me.
Just. Like. My. Proctologist.