Enquiring Minds Want to Know, but Probably Not | Mental Poo

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Enquiring Minds Want to Know, but Probably Not

I'm taking a Thanksgiving break.

So, to keep you entertained and busy while I'm gone...

I'm giving you some homework to do.

About ME.

Of course.

But first...a little cross-promotion here.

1) The Midget Man Gets Fashionable

On Thursday, December 3rd, I'll be at Jillian's in Manchester, NH for The Whiskey Girls Finalist Fashion Show.

No, I'm not in it.

Not like I wouldn't take home the friggin' gold, but whatever.

No - I'm covering the show for The Whiskey Girls - a bunch of hot, Harley chicks who raise money for charitable causes. If you have a charitable cause, give 'em a ring - because they travel.



If you're in the vicinity of Manchester, NH on December 3rd - come by and meet me and The Whiskey Girls.

My friend Kristin will be there, too...but knowing her, she'll be in the bathroom for most of the night pooping.

Women.

2) Thanksgiving, and the Question-and-Answer Period

Let me just wish all of you a great Thanksgiving (for you in the States), and I'll see you back here on Monday.

If you're a Native American reader, though, let me offer my condolences and wish you a joyous 'Backstabber Massacre Day' or whatever your medicine man calls it.

Whatever. Happy Thanksgiving.

I'm hoping mine is better than last year's, as I'm not following Alton Brown's recipe for salmonella poisoning.

What an asshole.

Although, aside from massive runs, it DID give me a great idea for my first ever contest.

So, I guess I have him to to thank.

Doesn't change the fact that he's still an asshat, but whatever.

ONWARD!!

******************************

Why am I so damn sexy?

Why is my penis so friggin' LARGE?

Why do I lie about my crazy sexiness and penis size?

You want the answers?

Then ask the questions.

Yes - I'm introducing a new bit today called:

Q&A with the Moog!

It doesn't have quite the ring of "Ask Jeeves," but screw Jeeves and the horse he rode in on.

That's not an insult.

That's actually what we do here in New Hampshire.

I've digressed.


Regardless...I got this idea from OHMommy over at Classy Chaos.

Just so you know, "OHMommy" stands for "Ohio Mommy" and not:

"Oh...mommy....oh mommy...oh, oh...oh mommy..."

Man...that brings back some memories of my childhood.


If I ever meet a blogger named "OHDaddy," I'm going to need some serious therapy to handle THOSE flashbacks.

"I'm going to use lube,"he says.

Yeah right.

Fucking liar.

Regardless, OHMommy introduced a section where people can ask her questions about herself, her family, job, whatever...and she answers them.

I thought it would be cool to do here...as most people know only the following things about me from this blog:

1) I shave my junk (a.k.a., "moogscaping")

2) I'm short

3) I like to go poo recreationally or - in certain parts of the red light district - sometimes I'll do it for money

Other than that, I'm a pretty closed book.

So, if you want to know something about me, go nuts.

You can ask in the comments section, click the picture below, or just email me here: and title the email "Q&A".

I'm not looking for 'Dear Moog' letters (although you're always encouraged to write one), but it's the only graphic I had..so suck it.

These should be questions you want to ask about ME.

Who I am. What I do. What makes me tick. Why I have that tic (kids). Etc., etc., etc.



Now...

...excuse me while I go shave my giant sexy penis.

Moog out.

23 comments:

Roger the Shrubber said...

You're covering the show for the Whiskey girls? Covering it with what?

The Peach Tart said...

I'll be thinking about some questions for you. In the meantime, watch that razor near the penis.

Hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving.

adrienzgirl said...

I will have to come up with a laundry list of shit to ask you.

Yeah right, we all know I don't do laundry. That's why God invented blowjobs. (TWHS)

ANYturkey, Happy Thanksgiving!

Becky..AMHW said...

I'd go suck it but my throat is sore. Oh the things I blow out of my nose! That color shouldn't exist in nature.

God, I'm sexy.

Travis said...

Dude. Fuckin lame. I didn't read posts before I posted because I was SURE I'd be the first to apologize to the Indians.

You punch beatin bastid.

Anyway,

What was your favorite brand of condoms back when you still used them?

Vodka Logic said...

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and I will try to keep you penis off my mind.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Well, have a great thanksgiving and questions?? really?? I gotta know what you do in real life. That's my question. Give it to me...give it to me gooooood, moooooooog.

Mr. Knucklehead said...

Q&A: If you could have any five people killed, who would it be and by what means would you have them whacked?

JenJen said...

Narcissistic much?
God.

All we care about is the penis anyway.

Ed Adams said...

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Do you think growing UP is still an option?

If presented with the choice between WATCHING 2 really hot lesbians get nasty, or JOINING 2 mediocre lesbians for a 3-way, which do you choose?

When do you think your wife will take the training wheels off your Harley? And would you be able to touch without them?

If you and Kristin where both single, would you let her poop on your chest?

How important is the "reach around" to you?

Do your coworkers ever give you shit for shopping for clothes at Baby Gap?

If you weren't busy writing Hilariously funny posts at work, do you think you would be able to finish reading the Twilight series?

If a train leeaves Indiana at 1pm, and another train leaves New Hampshire at 7pm, would Belichik still go for it on fourth down?

Are you really a Hobbit? You are short and live in a Shire. (New Hamp"shire") Is your real name Rodney Frodo?

I can give you shit because I'm short too. But 5'4 1/2" is still bigger than 5'2", so there.

Malicious Intent said...

Only you....would think we care to know. Some of do want to sleep at night ya know. And you already provide us with plenty of disturbing images that will eventually require serious therapy.

Coffeypot said...

Do you use a footstool to get on your Harley and what do you do when you come to a stoplight?

What DO you do at work that give you all the time to read, comment and post on the blog, FB and Twitter? Are you a BOSS? Remember, BOSS spelled backward is double SOB.

Alex said...

You have a hairy penis?

Brutalism said...

Just one question: Cleveland Steamer or Cincinnati Bowtie?

Funnyrunner said...

Is Ralph Friedgen going to get the pink slip?

Olly said...

DOH!!! Coffeypot asked MY question! So make sure you answer it, cause I really want to know what you actually DO at work that leaves you so much time to blog, etc.

Kate said...

Why are you so cool?

Malach the Merciless said...

^^^ That was me, stupid wife was using my pc.

Deb said...

What shade of lipstick is your hand wearing and where can I buy it?

JD at I Do Things said...

Ooh, I have two questions:

1. Is there any topic that you consider off-limits? I'm guessing not, but let's get the record straight. AND if the answer is Yes, then you need to blog about that topic in the next few weeks.

2. Will you shave MY junk so I don't have to? Not a Brazilian or landing strip, just regular-style.

CatLadyLarew said...

Since no question is too personal...

At what age did you reach your full height?

Are you taller than your children?

Since you are made of steel, does that mean your penis is always erect?

What color is your Harley?

Moooooog35 said...

Update:

Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.

Mine actually centered around people dissecting why my wife and I don't have relations very often.

Always good dinner conversation while your in-laws are FUCKING SITTING RIGHT THERE...JESUS CHRIST, PEOPLE.

Anway...I'm working on answering your questions...which you'll see in a number of posts coming up.

Thanks, everyone, for your questions! Have a great weekend and we'll catch you on Monday with some all new posts about why I'm an asshole.

Well..not WHY. Just more stories about it.

OHmommy said...

I do like to think of myself as OH oh OH moooomyyy.....


My google alerts send me crazy amounts of OH mommy emails. Every single day. Who knew the internet was so dirty. LMAO.

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