Q&A Part Deux (ooh! French!) | Mental Poo

Friday, December 04, 2009

Q&A Part Deux (ooh! French!)


From the Q&A files, I bring you Part Deux (pronounced 'Deux') of my Question-and-Answer column.

For part one, click here.

This is where you ask the questions about me, and I give you some answers.*

* answers may or may not be completely wrong based on how I'm feeling and on what narcotic I'm taking at the time.

Let's begin:

Ed Adams asked, like, 15 fucking questions, which I'll just ask in-line here:


What do you want to be when you grow up?

A better father to you. I'm sorry, Ed. I've failed you miserably.

Actually, I'd like to be a writer. Hence, this stupid fucking blog.

Anyone? Anyone?

SHIT.

Do you think growing UP is still an option?

No. I'm okay with it, though, but my wife is still hopeful that some type of maturity will set in at some point.

I wouldn't hold my breath.



If presented with the choice between WATCHING 2 really hot lesbians get nasty, or JOINING 2 mediocre lesbians for a 3-way, which do you choose?

This is easier than Paris Hilton on roofies at a Chippendales show.

Mediocre lesbo three way because...um...HELLO?! THREE WAY.

Coffepot also asked this question as well as Ed:

When do you think your wife will take the training wheels off your Harley? And would you be able to touch without them?

I actually had to have my Harley lowered an inch, have a low-rider seat installed, and I wear boots with a 1-inch heel.

I'm like mini-me on a Big Wheel. It's awesome.


If you and Kristin where both single, would you let her poop on your chest?

No, but we totally would have been all up in each other's shit by now.

Not literally. Although knowing her gastrointestinal system, that wouldn't be out of the question.

How important is the "reach around" to you?

Am I in prison again in this scenario?

You'll need to be clearer.

Do your coworkers ever give you shit for shopping for clothes at Baby Gap?

I don't talk to my coworkers for one reason:

I. Hate. People.


Yes..you can buy this shirt at my store.

I own one myself.

Really.

If you weren't busy writing Hilariously funny posts at work, do you think you would be able to finish reading the Twilight series?

I can't even remember the last time I read a book without pictures.

Penthouse counts as a book, right?

If a train leaves Indiana at 1pm, and another train leaves New Hampshire at 7pm, would Belichik still go for it on fourth down?

You cut me deep right then, Ed.

Cut me deep.

Are you really a Hobbit? You are short and live in a Shire. (New Hamp"shire") Is your real name Rodney Frodo?

I can give you shit because I'm short too. But 5'4 1/2" is still bigger than 5'2", so there.


I'm not a hobbit but I play one on TV.

TV= webcam.

Webcam = home video.

Home video = private self-made amateur porn stash.

I have an outfit. The hairy feet is a nice touch.

In that movie, though, 'My precious' is a whole different thing.

Thanks, Ed.


Next!!

Just one question: Cleveland Steamer or Cincinnati Bowtie? - Brutalism

Some people are,like...wha?

Here...the least I can do is explain what a Cleveland Steamer is.

(don't worry...it's just a link to a previous post...jeez)

Oh. You're back.

Sick yet?

So the answer to the question, 'Cleveland Steamer or Cincinatti Bowtie?'

Cleveland Bowtie.

I like to mix it up.

It's how I roll.

Is Ralph Friedgen going to get the pink slip? - Funnyrunner

I had to Google who this guy was.

Seriously - I think this question was better suited for Magic 8-Ball (also my financial advisor)

Since I live in New England, college football here is equivalent to 'So You Think You Can Dance' when compared to 'Dancing with the Stars.'

Sure, you could watch it. But what's the point?


We have PROFESSIONAL teams in this part of the country...so forgive my ignorance here.

I'm going to say, 'sure.' Total pink slip for the guy.

That's what my Magic 8-Ball said, and he's only wrong most of the time.

*********************

If you have something you'd like to ask me, email me at midgetmanofsteel@yahoo.comand put 'Q&A' in the subject line.

But hopefully that gives you a little peek inside of me.

Just. Like. My. Proctologist.

Moog out.

36 comments:

Becky..AMHW said...

I am totally psyched that I didn't have to look up either the bowtie or the steamer. Not that I've experienced either, but I am so up on my terms. Woot!

Oh, Gary Coleman's wife Ebay's his autographed kid's gap clothes. Or she used to. I'm not looking that up right now. My sisters bowl with him. I'm totally six degreeing to Kevin Bacon right now.

kys said...

No way am I clicking on that link.

Unfinished Rambler said...

Which link, kys? I wouldn't click on any of the links that Mr. Moooooog puts up...not intentionally anyway. ;)

JD at I Do Things said...

I learned way more than I needed to here today.

And after looking up the definition for Cleveland Steamer, I can now no longer enjoy my chili dogs.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I think you and Ed should start a lover's blog and argue about who will be on top and does height really matter during 69.

Joshua said...

I'm with Lee on this one. With that many questions, Ed seems way too interested in you, Moog.

-Joshua

JenJen said...

I don't know what the steamer is nor the bowtie. And I'm avoiding the link. I just ate a sammich.

I think you're one interesting fellow, moogsy.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Hey, you didn't answer my question, which was NOT strictly prurient, but of medical interest to those of us who aren't height challenged.

I'm hurt.

Travis said...

That fourth down question had me crackin up. Kudos to Eddy boy for thinkin that shit up.

The rest of it?

Kind of...ahem...gay.

Eva Gallant said...

Damn, I clicked on the link! Why didn't someone warn me??

Swirl Girl said...

{{crickets}}


now I need an eye-wash...thanks.

Moooooog35 said...

Becky: Your parents would be very proud.

Kys: It's just a link to a post. Seriously. I wrote it...it's not that bad.

C'mon..you know you wanna...

Unfinished: You guys are wussies.

CLICK THE LINK!

JD: You mean you're going to enjoy them MORE?!?

Lee: Height matters. I hate reaching for things.

Joshua: Well..have you SEEN me? Of course he is.

JenJen: IT'S JUST A POST!! Grow a pair, people. Jeez.

MikeWJ: Dude..check your email. Seriously. I replied directly to you a couple of days ago.

Travis: Yeah..because nothing says 'funny' like rubbing ONE play in the nose of the fan of a team that's won 3 Superbowls in the last 8 years.

Eva: Several people here have tried to warn you.

SwirlGirl: Eye wash now available on the Mental Poo store. And the 'I hate you' shirt.

XMAS is coming people!!

adrienzgirl said...

I am so totally pissed that you just goat fucked me into this post. You ruined the sanctity of JRR Tolkien forever. ASSHAT! You and your gay lovah ED.

Don said...

Hell, I'm with you on your response about the lesbo chicks. Shit. Two decent looking lesbians in a three way? Give me a break. That's better than the two swamp sow skanks I made it with at my daughters sixteenth birthday party.

Moooooog35 said...

Adrienzgirl: I goat..um...

What?

Don: Swamp..sow..skanks..

Jesus. Between you and Adrienzgirl, I'm fully expecting to be on an episode of "Lost" this season.

Mr. Knucklehead said...

As long as we stay away from a Dirty Sanchez, Rusty Trombone, or a Broken Rowboat we'll be fine.

Vodka Logic said...

As a New Englander... Go Patriots.

mepsipax said...

Great funny post. I too ride a motorcycle. Not a harley though, I like to be able to ride my bike without feeling like an asshole. Seriously, the harley dudes usually won't give the secret rider's hand signal.

nonamedufus said...

Uhm...you didn't answer the train question.

Ed Adams said...

In my defense, I didn't know you would use all of them, so I was giving you a list to pick from.

Now that I see them all together, it does sound a little gay.

Which is exactly why all the other commenters are JEALOUS.

Thanks dude.

Me-Me King said...

Seeing you on the little scooter reminds me to ask you, did I see you at Laconia in 2002? You kindda look familiar.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

i totally clicked on it b/c much like janet i don't know what any of that shit is. and how do you only have 18 comments. i came on to check my email and have somehow ended up on your blog for 38 minutes. dumb ass hyperlinks. now i'm too tired to check email. i'm off to watch the cavs.

one last question for you but not about you, are you taking those? do you think paul pierce is a chick? b/c we all do

Malach the Merciless said...

More questions I am so lost

Malach the Merciless said...

More questions I am so lost

Coffeypot said...

I don't care for the bowtie or the steamer, but I am looking forward to a dirty trombone one day.

Daffy said...

I'm kind of surprised I haven't read about pink tacos on your blog...maybe I haven't gone back far enough. Just seems like a topic you would totally violate....

mmm? NO? Just me?....

Anytwat, there will be an awards post over at my place on Saturday. You've got one with your name on it. Incase you want to waddle over and grab it...TWSS

Sara said...

bwah ha ha ha ha ha !!!


You crack me UP!!
Love the shirt 'I hate people...'

too f-ed up to type more, but your blog is a 'look forward to' every day

Malicious Intent said...

Why did you not answer my question?
Do I not rate????

Moooooog35 said...

Knucklehead: If you click on that link I gave in the post, you get a wonderful re-enactment of the rusty trombone...done with GI Joe dolls.

Go ahead...I'll wait.

Vodka: That's right, baby...GO. PATS.

mepsipax: Harley dudes give other Harley dudes the hand signal. Sometimes. I found that when I switched from Honda to Harley, it's MUCH easier to be an asshole to people.

It's liberating, really.

nonamedufus: Yes..he's probably go for it but this time get it to Kevin Faulk.

Ugh. Now I'm sad.

Ed: They ARE jealous. Our LOVE cannot be contained!!

Oh. Look.

I just threw up.

Me-Me: Believe it or not, I've never been to Laconia for bike week.

I need to fix that.

Speaking: I believe he MAY be a woman.

Just like the entire Cavs bench.

Malach: You're lost because you didn't update your TomTom.

Dummy.

Coffey: Oooh. Don't forget to take pictures and then not send them to me.

Daffy: Ha. You said 'violate'. Also, you're dainty.

I shall swing by on Saturday. Thanks!!

Sara: You can buy that shirt you know.

Please buy the shirt.

Please.

MI: FINE. The secret to having sex with one's own foot can only be taught in the Himalayas by secret Ninja sherpas.

Also, I'm Batman.

CatLadyLarew said...

I almost have enough information now for my treatise on Midget Men of Steel. Thanks, Moooooog.

ettarose said...

I am so frickin proud. I did not have to look up not one of those links. Of course I read them when they were fresh. I must be sick.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I think I speak for at least 2.7 of us when I say, "Ew" to some of this post.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I never got your e-mail. I will never know the answer to my question. Nothing ever goes well for me. I wish I got to get my picture taken with women's boobs on my head like you do.

meleah rebeccah said...

Well, I know better and the ONLY link I clicked on was to YOUR store so I could buy that coffee mug.

Moooooog35 said...

CatLady: Treatise? Are those like Wheaties? DON'T MAKE ME GOOGLE SHIT.

Ettarose: Yes. Yes you are.

Welcome to the club.

Nanny: You and me both, woman.

You and me both.

And I WROTE it.

MikeWJ: I will answer you in a future Q&A...maybe not the very next one, as I had a ton of questions, but I will.

Meleah: THAT IS MY STORE!!! I sell those shirts and everything.

I'm quite an entrepreneur.

Admittedly, a very bad one, but whatever.

And, thank you for buying a mug!! See, people!? SEE!?!

Joker_SATX said...

I was there in the Boston area for many years...I completely understand the disappointment in the sports teams. The year the Sox won the world series was the year I moved here to Texas...go figure.

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