Before I start today's post...just a reminder:
Tonight, Thursday, December 3rd, I'll be at Jillian's in Manchester, NH for The Whiskey Girls Finalist Fashion Show.
No, I'm not in it.
Not like I wouldn't take home the friggin' gold, but whatever.
No - I'm covering the show for The Whiskey Girls - a bunch of hot, Harley chicks who raise money for charitable causes. If you have a charitable cause, give 'em a ring - because they travel.
If you're in the vicinity of Manchester, NH tonight - come by and meet me and The Whiskey Girls.
And now, I present to you the final in my three-part Mental Poo 'How To' series:
Social Ostracism 101, Soccer Style
Click here for parts one and two.
You should be totally up to date now with the process of making fun of your own child in public AND disregarding someone else's personal injury if it means you get to go home.
You're on your way to being a complete and utter asshole that no one wants to be around.
I'm like Yoda, but instead of teaching you how to move shit with your mind and have some weird sexual tension with a broad who turns out to be your sister, I'm giving you the finer points of being a total prick.
Here we go:
#3) OUT OF FOCUS
At another point in the game, Payton gets put back in on defense.
I’m going to draw this as a cartoon, because I think it flows better that way.
(click to enlarge...that's what she said)
I don’t think we’re going to do this next season.
#4) GETTING THE FINGER
Payton, by some miracle of all fucking miracles, ended up actually kicking the ball, like FIVE times during the game.
Having Payton kick the ball FIVE times, never mind ONCE is equivalent to having your toast pop up and you realize there’s an image of Jesus on it.
Except in this case, you don’t get a nice buttery breakfast out of it.
The coach, after each game, gives the ‘player of the game’ a foam finger that says ‘Go Thunder Go.’
Because of the stellar play of Payton on defense…
…she got the foam finger.
That's right, baby!!
Not ONLY did she actually kick the ball 5 times, but out of the two total goals that the other team scored, only two of them were scored when she was playing defense.
Regardless, as she’s running towards us after the game across the field, she yells:
“MOM! DAD! COACH GAVE ME THE FINGER!!”
That’s great, kid.
For the fifth time today, we’ve been the recipients of ‘that look.’
You know what?
We’re really proud of you, honey.
Next season, let’s try and shoot for SIX kicks.