Twix or Tweets - Volume Three | Mental Poo

Friday, February 26, 2010

Twix or Tweets - Volume Three


Before I start today, I just want to be serious for a second (mark your calendar) and go all-out and pimp myself out.

Hey..even I get tired of the beatings from Rodrigo after a while.

On April 2nd, I will be the 'Special Guest Host' for a fundraising bash for "New Hampshire HorseTalk Therapeutic Services" which is an organization that provides hippotherapy services.

When I was first asked to do this by the fantastic Mama Whiskey from The Whiskey Girls, I was all like:

"Horses can talk? Why can't they raise their own money, then?"

"What is hippotherapy? I thought hippos were pretty dangerous except for Henrietta Hippo who, as far as hippos go, was pretty hot."


But then Mama Whiskey told me to shut the Hell up or she'd get, like, Carrot Top or some other W-lister to do this so I went to the site and found out that they do some really really miraculous stuff for people who need it and apparently I'm just a stupid asshole.


So - you'll be able to find ME - yes ME - on April 2nd at Milly's Tavern in Manchester, NH hosting this awesome event.

Bands, auctions, masssages from the Whiskey Girls, Cabin Fever Whiskey, raffles..a ton of shit.

Come down.

Meet me.

Support the cause.

Have some fun.

ONWARD!!!

****************

Pain and Suffering.

Twitter-style.

The latest rage for asshole lazy bloggers is to self-promote themselves by reposting some of their own Twitter Tweets as blog posts.

I am now stooping to this level.

Actually, I'm 5'-2" tall.

No stooping required. Already there.

Sucks.

Below are some of my very own Tweets that I've subjected my 12 followers to.

Click here for Volume One and Volume Two.

The skew on this one, though:

All things of my blog's search results (things people have searched on and in which 'Mental Poo' came up in the results).

Enjoy.

*************************

My blog is #8 in the search for 'Tony Danza Anal Rape.' Um...Who's the boss? I think we all know now, Tony.


My blog came up in the search for 'vasectomy party.' I'd hate to see the cake. Worst. Party. EVER


My blog is #8 in the search for "Angela Lansbury Naked." Dick Van Dyke, you're one sick motherfucker


Search my blog came up in: "motorcycle vibration orgasm." Like I'd EVER put my bike away if I could get that to happen. Oh. Women. Nevermind


my blog shows up in this search: "midget pirates using shit as lube for dogs." I'm so proud I could cry.


I'm #10 in the search for 'poop porn.' I seriously need to try harder for that top spot.


Search my blog comes up in: "women eating food stuck in their asses." Looks like my dad is using his new PC.


search my blog comes up in: "Dog fucked my daughter." Dude. Why are you Googling this and not killing the goddamn dog?!


Latest search my blog shows up in: "peasant porn." Really? Don't they have enough problems? I mean, shit, they're peasants.


latest search my blog is in: "things that a piece of poo would do." My answers would be 'exit' and 'smell.'


My blog just came up in the search for "mr big hairy ball." That's me. Minus the 'big' and 'hairy' parts.


My blog is #12 in this search: 'eat my shaved peach.' I need to check out those 11 other sites IMMEDIATELY.


my blog just appeared in this search: "women eating dog sperm porn." Um...Without seeing it, I'm guessing it's the worst. porno. ever.


My blog came up in the search for 'alternative midgets.' Because if your first choice of midgets doesn't pan out, you always have me.


My blog came up in this search: 'poo in a condom.' Huh. Guess I used them wrong. Explains why my kids smell like shit, though.


blog was in this search: "amputee porn." Why didn't I think of this? Easiest porn ever. What can they do, lean on you to death?


Blog just came up in the search for 'Ask the magic poo.' There's a magic poo?! I feel SO ripped off with this stupid 8-ball.


My blog just came up in this search: "where are midget maids." Like my toilet would look this gross if I knew.


blog came up in this search: "cant relax the sphincter to poo." Yeah? Try prison. I have the OPPOSITE problem.


*************************

If you're linked to me on Facebook, you may have seen these as well.

If you want to find me in either place, click here.

Twitter at: http://twitter.com/moooooog35 or you can just click this button:




Find me at Facebook by clicking here:






You've been warned.

Tweet.

25 comments:

Simply "T" said...

HAHAHAHA!

I love the one about midget pirates using shit as lube for dogs. Effing awesome.

And how awesome for you to get involved with the fundraising for Hippotherapy.

I used to work for a pediatrics clinic that specialized in Hippotherapy. I loved it and I'd love to go back to doing it again. It's amazing the progress I saw in some of my patients just in our 30 minute sessions on the horse.

I may just be a tad bit shorter than you are - yesterday I started my own blog-twitter. I have a personal twitter, but I try to remain "anon" with my blog, so now I'm THAT girl with 2 twitter accounts, one to shamelessly promote my blog.

Vodka Logic said...

since I accidentally deleted my twitter account.. right I know you don't have to tell me.. I have looking for the people I used to follow and vise versa.

You dude seriously need an enema :)

Sarah P said...

Amputee porn is one of my #1 million-dollar ideas!

I have a whole list of pornographic fetish Web sites I could start.

That one would be ...

wait for it ...

AmpuTease.com

I KNOW!! It's brilliant!

Trademark, copywright, patent pending.

♥Georgie♥ said...

Congrats on your upcoming hosting event thats awesome...
I LOVE all the silly google analytics searches people get always cracks me up...

I am stopping by from batcraps blog...

Elly Lou said...

If I write about "fingernail porn" in your comments section, will you start showing up in results for that search? Just in case...fingernail porn, fingernail porn, fingernail porn....with midgets.

Travis said...

Congrats on the hosting! That's amazing!

I'm going to start doing some crazy ass searches to fuck with your site meter.

Oh. And go look at some shaved peaches.

MommaKiss said...

Personally, this is one of my favorites:

moooooog35 News: "GM prepared to stop production on Hummers." Wait. When did General Motors become a married woman?

Spot. On.

I don't search for your blog, but apparently I need to give it a try.

And beware, I may show up on april 2nd.

Momma Fargo said...

Great horse therapy gig...I love those projects...they are super for kids!

Hahaha on the twatter.

Good thing I don't search for your blog either...I'm afraid I would have all those pop up vibrator and penis pump commercials or some shit all over my computer...egads!

Ian said...

Hook me up bro. Following cause Daffy told me to as she pimped us both out.

WORD

Ian @ thedailydoseofreality.blogspot.com

Miss Yvonne said...

I can't believe you aren't first for "poop porn". Your publicist needs to get to work. Also, I will totally be your publicist. You can pay me in thin mints and vodka.

Mrsblogalot said...

HAAAAA!!! Aren't you the popular one?

And the funniest one!!!!!!!!!!

Heather said...

Visiting from Daffy's! Great stuff.

Brutalism said...

Because I have a deadline at work, I have read the search terms and your analysis of them three times now.

Funnier. Every. Time.

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

Women doing WHAT with dog sperm? Dude...

Eva Gallant said...

Midget Man of Steel doing something for a good cause? I take back all the rotten things I said about you!

meleah rebeccah said...

"hahaha, very funny story. I think you can tell other funny story.
Thanks for your funny story."

AHAHHAHHAHAHAHHA. I might just have to post THAT as a comment for WEEKS!

Daffy said...

well lookie thar...I think a couple of people headed your way cuz I said to...that makes me feel kinda powerful.

How the hell do you find the stuff that brings up your blog. Seriously? Do you just type in crazy ass google search shit and see if you pop up?

LiLu said...

I am now getting a TRIPLE DOSE of your particular brand of e-herp.

Awesome.

Maxie said...

I know you'll love this. Apparently women have started to have parties for their daughters when they get their first cycle. Now THAT sounds like a fun party. Do you think the cake should be shaped like a tampon, a uterus, or maybe a period clump...

Annnnd I'm assuming you're barfing by now. Mission accomplished.

Toe said...

Man I'm jealous my blog's number one key word search is pregnant bellies porn. You have so much more porn related posts than I first thought.

confessor69 said...

I don't even know what to say, except...

AWESOME.

Anonymous said...

Do you like to swim play
---------------------------------------------------------
Signature:buy lipitor online zhbll
lexapro cwnyl

Kat said...

Wow, 5'2", huh? My mom was 5'2". I, however, am 5'10" - on a good day. If I am feeling relaxed or perhaps just not so good, I am only 5'9". Yeah, I'm a 45-year-old woman who is at that stage in life where her height is starting to slip because of posture, and I haven't decided if I want to keep the height LOL You think YOU have it bad...try being a man-sized woman!!

Tgoette said...

Congrats on the hosting, dude! Do you suppose this is how Leno started? So how do I check to see what searches my blog comes up in? That looks cool!

Queen Bumble said...

Haha. I'm not even sure I understood half of what you wrote but I think it's funny anyway. This blog is psychotic--I'll be back.

Related Posts with Thumbnails