Before I start today:
I've created an audition tape to try and have my VERY OWN TALK SHOW!!
This is not a drill.
Please check it out and vote for me. That would be awesome.
Then what we be awesome is if you spread the word and got me even more votes.
Then I get rich and we're all happy. And by 'we're all happy' I mean "I am." I see this as a win.
And now for another installment of 'MY SHAMPOO IS TRYING TO KILL ME!'
Click here for Episode one and Episode two.
I HAVE SUPERHERO SHAMPOO!
* insert cool echo sound here for best effect
Once again I'm standing in my shower as I'm wont to do every third week or so, and I see THIS:
I'm not sure what could happen to my head where I'd need an INTENSE REPAIR unless I fell in the shower and cracked my hair follicles open or some shit.
Then I remembered that we also have INTENSE DAMAGE SHAMPOO so I'm betting that INTENSE REPAIR is actually here to tilt the scales of tingly soapy justice to that balance of good because we all remember what happens when you use INTENSE DAMAGE:
As you're lying there dying because you whimsically decided to give INTENSE DAMAGE a shot, the trusty shower guardian INTENSE REPAIR takes control of the situation!
He has a cape.
My story, shut up.
Sensing that there is someone in the shower in need, and apparently suffering from narcolepsy because I have NO IDEA how he slept through the friggin beating I just took (a knife AND a hammer for chrissakes) at the hands of INTENSE DAMAGE, he springs into action!
Yes. He can also fly.
I'm assuming this because HELLO I'M ALMOST UNCONSCIOUS and how else would a bottle of shampoo get on the floor of the shower to help a person in distress?
That's when INTENSE REPAIR pops his cap and in a display of sheer Super Shampoo-itude (no idea) immediately repairs the damage!!
And as you awaken from your near-death experience, INTENSE REPAIR has put himself back on the shelf just as quickly as he appeared..leaving you with only the fine fresh scent of coconut or some other fragrant shit in your hair.
"No need for thanks," he'd say.
"Helping repair INTENSE DAMAGE for people in showers across the world is thanks enough."
If he had a mouth.
If he had a mouth he'd say that.
I'm pretty sure.
I think INTENSE DAMAGE really hurt my head.