Twix or Tweets - WTF Edition | Mental Poo

Friday, August 06, 2010

Twix or Tweets - WTF Edition

And the mystery of "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!" continues.

Let me explain.

The latest rage for asshole lazy bloggers is to self-promote themselves by reposting some of their own Twitter Tweets as blog posts.

I am now stooping to this level.

Actually, I'm 5'-2" tall.

No stooping required. Already there.


Below are some of my very own Tweets that I've subjected my 12 followers to.

Click here for Volume One, Volume Two and Volume Three.

There's a skew on this one, though:

These Tweets are all ones that I look at myself and go:

The Hell?



I feel bad for Asians who order "The Clapper." Sure they can turn their lights on and off, but their houses must be disgusting.

I'm feeling randy today. He's really starting to get annoyed.

I wonder if Nazis were allowed to have half-and-half in their coffee.

Be considerate. Remember, for people with goiters, every day is "Hump Day."

I want to work for the marketing department of Aer Lingus just so I can work the word "Cunning" into an ad.

Citrus is supposed to have great cleaning powers, but rubbing this Orange Chicken around just seems to make more of a mess.

I can't even imagine how crowded Walmart would be if NASCAR wasn't invented.

You know you've matured when you're playing with your kid's hamster and it doesn't even cross your mind to shove it in your ass.

Told my kids that thunder is God bowling. And rain is what happens when angels cry because God can be a dick when he drinks.

A communist stole my seat once so I squirted Visine on him. It got the Red out.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and maybe some money for hookers

Saw a Tootsie Roll in the store and broke down crying. Gary Coleman, you left us too soon.

FYI, if I'm following you on Twitter please note that "Twitter" is the name of my moped and you're driving way too fast.

I thought I had an epiphany until I realized 'epiphany' didn't mean 'ass zit.'

I had the best sex dream last night. This morning, my dog won't come near me. I'm praying this is a coincidence.

I really wish people would stop preaching about gun control and just PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG LIKE I ASKED.

"Charlie Sheen going to Jail." Looks like "2-1/2 Men" is the answer to: "How many prisoners can fit in Charlie Sheen's asshole?"

"Violent video games touted as learning tool." Hear that son? Now stop questioning me and beat the shit out of that hooker.

You know it's going to be one of those days when you wake up naked and covered in feces.

Never order baby back ribs from a restaurant attached to an orphanage.

I want to live in a world where "WFH" means less "Working from Home" and more "Wrestling Fifteen Hermaphrodites."

There comes a time in every man's life when he must decide whether or not to release the woman in his crawlspace.

Spam: "Grow your penis as long as the Great Wall of China." I don't know. Seems kind of unmanageable. Plus, all the tourists.


If you're linked to me on Facebook, you may have seen these as well.

If you want to find me in either place, click here.

Twitter at: or you can just click this button:

Find me at Facebook by clicking here:

You've been warned.



MrsBlogAlot said...

You kill me!!! I will never remember Gary Coleman in quite the same way again.

ClevelandPoet said...

"Violent video games touted as learning tool." Hear that son? Now stop questioning me and beat the shit out of that hooker.

probably my favorite.

see I was going to secretly rank your tweets in a segment called your daily moooog but now you beat me to it.

I mean no I wasn't don't sue me!

Unknown said...

Thanks for posting your tweets. I don't twitter, so I hadn't seen them. Except that I'm more convinced than ever that you are certifiable!

Sunny said...

Wow, lazy much? Wait..that was a stupid question. Being funny is hard (that's what she said) work.

Hey, what's going on with the whole talk show thing?

Miss Yvonne said...

I have a twitter account, but I get all stage fright-y when I get on there and instead of writing something witty or hilarious I instead write shit like "Turkey and swiss on whole wheat for lunch today...yumm!" and then I punch myself in the face.

Goal for today: Tweet something bloggable.

Jessica said...

I've been tempted to re-tweet some of your shit, but am not quite sure I want everyone to know I'm associated with you...

Pollyanna said...

Since you tweeted about it, shoving a hamster up your a$$ must have come to mind. It's just further proof that you haven't matured one bit.

As if we needed proof . . .

Unknown said...

From one asshole lazy blogger to the other........ Im so glad I will be able to say,"I followed him when" - so remember me when you get your own tv show!!
love you long time, and I totally mean that in a scary stalker way =]

Chris said...

The "Clapper" one took me a minute.

Good one.

Suzy said...

There's an easier way to do that. See my blog for the results but just download the Favorites Widget from Twitter.

Then star your favorite tweets. They then automatically load onto your blog on the Favorites Widget.
(I also star other people's as well)

I got 2 writing jobs off Twitter. But it wasn't until I put up the Fav Widget.

It's like a permanent resume reminder that I write comedy.

J.J. in L.A. said...

"I'm feeling randy today. He's really starting to get annoyed."

Hahahahaha!!! I just wrote a post about a guy named Randy. Guess what his job is? *snort*

Anything Fits A Naked Man said...

Yeah, I think the "Randy" line is my favorite, too! Also, I'm embarrassed to admit it took me a full thirty seconds to get the Asian Clapper! Hey, it's still early! said...

Hey, I'm following you on Twitter on my moped named Twit-him.

Ed said...

Good stuff.

Still think you tweets are better than your posts.

But don't cry, your posts are good too.

Gawd. You're such a girl about that.

Tarheel Rambler said...

To me, the only think Twitter and blogging have in common is that you use the keyboard on your computer for both. Twitter is a great promotional tool...kinda...but it can be a hindrance if not used correctly.

Moooooog35 said...

Ed: My Tweets are better than your posts, too.

Actually, so was this comment.

Acadia said...

I didn't think anyone could be lazier than me. But you are. And I am actually asleep and having my robot monkey butler type this. I'm jealous.

megaman said...

Liked them, better than posting that you have to go pee..or that your on your way to the gym... Man if I'd have known people were actually positing something funny, I'd look more often.

Dude, please leave the pets alone..maybe you should buy a hooker with some of that money.

meleah rebeccah said...

Ahahahahah! Ahahahahhah! Ahahahahhaha!
I love your twitter updates!

Pat said...

OMG, I am sitting at a local library to steal their WI FI. I had to hold my hand over my mouth (I'm used to that but usually it's someone ELSE'S hand on my mouth) - so I wouldn't LAUGH OUT LOUD. You are one funny guy!

Anonymous said...

the coffee youre drinking has been pissed at eleven!

Related Posts with Thumbnails