Ms Sharon Wilfred wants my Love Shafd | Mental Poo

Monday, September 06, 2010

Ms Sharon Wilfred wants my Love Shafd

Give me an "S!"

Give me a "P!"

Give me an "A!"

Give me an "M!"


What's that spell?


Two hours of me screwing off at work.

That's what that spells.

I got the following email the other day:


Hi,
I'm Ms Sharon Wilfred, can we talk,
i will want to get to know you better ,
Contact me with my private e mail address; sh_w231988@hotmail.com
I am an easygoing and understanding lady.
I see friendship as a gift we give to ourselves and i want you to be one of such gifts to me.
Talk to u soon .

Ms Sharon Wilfred.


*******************

Please note that the fact this came from 'LoveShafd' did not escape me.

Cuz..you know...it sounds like 'love shaft.'

I'm 12.

Regardless..seeing as I was at work and really didn't feel like working (typical) and I can't simply just sit here and ignore Ms Sharon Wilfred because - hey - a friend is a friend and worst case I get my bank account wiped out but when it all boils down to it, losing 20 bucks seemed worth the risk.

So I replied.

Of course.


*******************

Hi Ms Sharon Wilfred!

Or..can I just call you Sharon? Are we at that point in this relationship yet? Sharon? Shar? Sharry?

OMG I love the song "Oh Sherrie" by Steve Perry (the guy from Journey with the great voice but unfortunately large nose). But you know what they say about guys with long noses, right?

If you do, please let me know...because I kind of made that up but now I'm curious if there really is a saying.

So..you want to be friends? Like pen pals? Or like a pet rock?

FYI - speaking of pet rocks, I have one googly eye. Always keep 'em guessing, that's what I always say. Am I looking at you? At a star? Passing vehicle? YOU NEVER KNOW WITH ME AND MY GOOGLY EYE!!

I be crazy.

I hope you like crazy. Cuz you just bought yourself a great big bucket of it, Shar. I'm crazy. I'm crazy for YOU. I know we've only known each other for, like, 5 paragraphs but I feel a connection to you that I haven't felt for a woman named Sharon Wilfred in a very long time.

I hope you feel the same.

I just touched my crotch.

I'm looking forward to our friendship gifts. What are they? Are they rings? Juggling balls? HAHAHA. I said 'balls.' Does that turn you on? It turns me on. Not the balls thing, the juggling thing. Jugglers are hot.

Trust me. I know. I'm one of them.

I just winked at you but you wouldn't know it because of my googly eye.

Can't wait to have a sleepover. We can make popcorn and wear feety jammies. I'm so excited Shar. I'm so excited my nose just got HUGE.

Steve Perry gets that joke.

I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Yours in Christ,

midgetmanofsteel


**********************

Then I sent it.

Duh.

Then SHE REPLIED BACK.

WITH HER PHOTO.

Stay tuned for THAT, though...this post is long enough as it is.

That's what Ms Sharon Wilfred says...

..about my love shafd.

Mr. Sharon Wilfred out.

************************

For the stunning conclusion to this saga, click here.

28 comments:

Deborah said...

Evil. It's just EVIL not to post her reply. Tomorrow right?? I am so excited for it, my nose just grew. :)

Eva Gallant said...

I won't be able to sleep tonight, waiting to read her reply!

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Are you kidding me? Left me hanging. That was just like masturbating and when you are about to orgasm you say, oh wait I will do that tomorrow.

You are so dead to me. See you tomorrow.

lbluca77 said...

You big tease.

Elly Lou said...

So? Which of your internet dating site matches was she?!?

SisterMerryHellish said...

Ha! You need to send back a photo hoping that the site of your googly eye doesn't turn her off *insert penis with googly-eye photo here*.

Big Fat Gini said...

The least you could have done was indulged the girl with a nasty cold today. Sigh.

Miss Nikki said...

Can't wait to see the reply. And the picture. Of your big nose.

Opto-Mom said...

Gini, stop sending those e-mails out to everyone!

VetTech said...

All about the cliffhanger... keep em wanting more. But I am so terrified of Spam at work that I delete stuff i probably should have been reading

Brutalism said...

I'm kinda picturing Eva Mendes...am I close?

Moooooog35 said...

Deborah: It's even MORE evil to make you wait until WEDNESDAY.

But yet that's what I'm gonna do.

Eva: Try Nyquil!

Wannabe: I never wait when I'm masturbating. I don't got that kind of time.

lbluca: dun dun dunnnnn

Elly Lou: Hard to tell.

That's what she said.

Sister: TUNE IN ON WEDNESDAY!!

Gini: Fine. Sending nude pics your way now...

Nikki: ..and yet I'M called 'the tease.'

Right.

Opto: SAY IT ISN'T SO!

VetTech: See? The more you know..

Brutalism: VERY CLOSE but in a completely incorrect fashion.

Chris said...

Wasn't "Love Shaft" a song on an early Journey album?

Maybe not.

But it WOULD be a cool coincidence.

Malach the Merciless said...

I can't wait to see the photo

Christina In Wonderland said...

That is hilarious! Spammers are freaks... and SPAM is just generally disgusting. Don't eat it if you treasure your colon.

Jessica said...

Do you plan on wooing her with a Balloon Portrait?

The Sweetest said...

This might be your best spam response yet! Can't wait for the rest of the story.

Pat said...

You are cruel making us wait like this.

Miss Yvonne said...

Yours in Christ.

You, sir, are my hero.

Christina_the_wench said...

I want your job. And your life. And your balloon portraits. Adn god help me, your spam.

I just made myself cry. And it's only Tuesday.

Sunny said...

That same chick tried to sell me a 2008 Nissan Maxima for $2416.00 on Craigs List. When I replied to her ad, she told me her son owned the car and he died in Iraq and she needed to get rid of it and just send the wire/cashier's check/money order right away.

I'd happened on a similar deal a day ealier from another lady only HER son died from cancer.

The point of this story? You're going to die. Can I have your hampster? (that's what she said)

brookeamanda said...

OMG, I cannot wait for part 2! Please post it tomorrow as it's my birthday and that would be the best present ever.

Moooooog35 said...

Chris: I believe you're thinking Spinal Tap. Or the B-52's. Or Yanni.

Malach: ME TOO!

Christina: Thanks for the advice. Because I really do treasure my colon.

And you can too for just $50 and hour.

Jessica: I don't need balloons for wooing.

I'm very wooable without balloons.

Sweetest: TOMORROW!!!

Pat: Well..with the long weekend, figured no one was reading yesterday.

Being drunk and all.

Yvonne: OMG are you singing like Bette Midler right now?!?

Christina: Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

*cries self to sleep

Sunny: There is no 'p' in hamster!!

Well..not usually.

Brooke: It's tomorrow!!

Happy Birthday.

Don said...

Good luck that. She sounds like just what you've been looking for too. A blazing hot bitch with a mouth that would make a Dyson suck like a straw.

meleah rebeccah said...

Shut! Up! She did NOT reply back! Ahahahahahahhaha. I cant WAIT to read what happened next!

A Vapid Blonde said...

I am not even going to read any of the comments, but ou know I sent that? I'm Shairy...right?

I am really disappointed you did not get my drift. Moooooog35!

A Vapid Blonde said...

And by ou I mean YOU. I suck at commenting and blogging and anonymously seducing shit.

Mrsblogalot said...

LOL...yours in Christ. Get those security cameras ready.

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