Ms Sharon Wilfred wants my Love Shafd - PART TWO! | Mental Poo

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Ms Sharon Wilfred wants my Love Shafd - PART TWO!


When we last left our hero (that would be me...how do you like my cape?)...

..he had replied to Ms Sharon Wilfred's weird request for friendship OUT OF THE BLUE, I might add, with an email consisting of references to Steve Perry, juggling, and a googly eye.

It's how I roll.

After I sent my reply...I kind of did what I normally do which is go the bathroom sixteen times and randomly walk by my boss' desk in a hurried fashion while mumbling some technological jargon like, "I can't believe the IP stack is crashing the java code with an exception and firewall popup blocker anti-virus laptop" which makes it appear like I know what I'm doing and TOTALLY wasn't expecting a reply from Ms Sharon Wilfred except..

INBOX (1)

She replied.


HOLY CRAP.

SHE REPLIED.

I've cut out a lot of the crap from the email..because it's wicked long (twss) but if you want to see the letter in it's entirety click here.

**************************

Hi,

Dear i want you to know that, Distance, country, or any biological nature, age is number what matters most is love and affection. I will need a serious relationship that will last.

I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment I, am receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father.

My father secretly deposited the sum of US$7,823,000.00 in Senegal.

It is my intention to compensate you with 30% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my investment capital.

In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction Sincerely.

Please below are the information's i needed from you to put things into action.

1. Your Full Name .......
2. You’re Age .........
3. Your Occupation................
4. Your Home And Office Address...........
5. Your Telephone And Fax Number...........
6. Your picture............

I am waiting for your confirmation of this mail to enable us discuss details ,agreed and give you bank contact where the money was deposited.

Thanks as I hope to receive from you soon.

Yours Sincerely,
Miss. Sharon Wilfred.


*************************

DAMMIT, IT'S A SCAM.


My luck SUCKS.

No romance. No friendship.

Just more nights of me sitting home watching Food Network.


So I wrote her back this email:

*************************

Hi Shar!

This sounds like an excellent plan!!

I will do all of this if you kindly tell me whether or not you fuck on the first date and, if so, if you'll let me go all raw dog on you. That would be nice, since my sores are almost all in remission!

Sucks about your step mom. Let me tell you, I've been there, done that. Not getting beaten, but more of a pay-for-submissiveness thing and it required me converting money to Canadian.

ANNOYING.

Is she, like, beating you? Do you have any video of this? If not, can you describe it in graphic detail, because I will make flip-book sketches that I can use to masturbate to later and we can use the money from your dead father (may he rest in peace) to start a porn business.

BIG. BUCKS. IN AMERICAN PORN.


Trust me. I'm a former child actor.

Love you, you crazy rich stepchild you.

Let me know about the fucking thing. Important to keep this rolling.

Yours in Christ.

midgetmanfosteel


********************

And then..after I sent it I realized that item #6 on her list of things from me WAS A PICTURE.

She wanted my picture.

So I looked back at her email and LO AND BEHOLD...

..she had previously attached a picture of HER:


Not one to disappoint my lovely Ms Sharon Wilfred...

I sent her an email with the pictures she requested:

********************

OMG OMG SHARON!!

I forgot. You wanted a picture of me!

I only have a picture of me with my friend, Juan, who I met at Hedonism when I was tricked to go there by that Canadian person who took my wallet but that's a different story for a different time and you and I have forever together to discuss such trivial things.

You complete me.

So. I'm attaching a picture of me and Juan. Here you go:


And so you have a better picture of our happy future together, you hot piece of ass you, I took the liberty of including a picture of the two of us looking blissfully happy and probably with a brood of several children and maybe a ferret.


I fucking LOVE ferrets.

They tickle going in. You'll see.

Muchos deneiros, my love!

midgetmanofsteel


**********************

I haven't heard back from Ms. Sharon Wilfred.

I hope she's just being beaten by her stepmom and not heartbroken or anything. I admit the 'sword in the ass' was maybe a bit much for an introductory photo.

Should have gone with the ferret.

I think she would have liked that.

Moog out.

44 comments:

Christina_the_wench said...

Dude, she said she'd PAY you for your services. Paid to sodomize. Nice.

Deborah said...

Her reply was anticlimactic, but your AWESOME reply back to her--and the HAWT pic you sent made waiting til today so worth it. hahahahahahaahaha.

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

You are so cleverly evil and funny and I LOVE that about you!!!

Jessica said...

Where can I find me some Juan?

Mrsblogalot said...

Even if I did everything on that list I still couldn't pretend one of my bosses jokes was the reason I was laughing so hard while reading this.

By my calculations, I should be fired within a week. (-:

JD at I Do Things said...

This all kinda makes me wish I didn't already "know" you, so I could send you a special friend request.

And never mind Juan -- who's that piece behind him? Oo la la!

Eva Gallant said...

I'm dying to see the response to this one!!! lol

Pat said...

I'm feeling a little left out since you are the third blogger to write about receiving this kind of request. Damn! But I bet you'll NEVER receive this request again. At least from this babe.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

See this is how I mess up my bowels. I sit here prairie doggin' and you would think that I would go to the bathroom and finish reading your blog later. But nooooooo. I have to sit here and finish reading it. Of course I could take my comp in the bathroom.

You are a god of hilarity.

pattypunker said...

if she does fuck on the first date, i totally think you could hit that inside of her elbow. so hawt!

Moooooog35 said...

Christina: No different than any other day, really.

Deborah: I build up slow.

In all facets, really.

Midwestern: I love that about me, too!

Jessica: I would tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

Just kidding. Maybe tickle you or something. I'm not that violent.

Mrsblogalot: You're welcome.

JD: I don't know. I'm transfixed on the first two guys.

Eva: So sad...this will be the last of Sharon I'm afraid.

*cries

Pat: I know. It makes me weep.

From the penis.

What?

Wannabe: OH MY GOD STOP WRITING THAT.

Patty: that's where I'll be aiming, at least.

Brutalism said...

I bet she won't be freaked out at all, because with the exchange rate in Senegal, the ass sword will be much smaller.

That made more sense in my head.

Sunny said...

DAMNIT! You covered some of the good bits of Juan.

I always find it facinating and disturbing that so many people in other countries have bazillions of dollars being held hostage. And since this is a "Cinderella" story, you must be the Nigerian prince.

Elly Lou said...

Is Juan wearing goggles because you just nutted all over his face? Seriously! What is that drippy goo by his eye?

Miss Yvonne said...

Meh, you don't want her anyway. Did you see that inside elbow? What a slut.

LiLu said...

Juan's kind of bonable. Dibs.

Coffeypot said...

Being from the South I happend to notice one thing in her picture that you might have over looked. She is...short. Finally someone you wouldn't have to look up to. Grab her up quick, dude.

Quirkyloon said...

I'm so confused. I thought you were much hairier.

Mrs. Bitch said...

Jeez Louise! If you're towering over him, how the hell tall is Juan, 3'7"?

Moooooog35 said...

Brutalism: Wait..am I going to have to get this sword through customs somehow?

Oh. Nevermind. Figured it out.

Sunny: I AM the Nigerian Prince.

I don't even know what I'm talking about any more.

Elly: You clicked to enlarge! yay you!

Yvonne: mmmm.

Elbow.

Lilu: I'll give you this one.

Coffey: I don't care about height because it's all moot once they lay down.

Get it? Sex joke!

Quirky: I shave sometimes.

True story.

Mrs. Bitch: Yes. He's 3'7" without sword insertion. 3'10" with.

SisterMerryHellish said...

You are ROCKIN' that speedo! How can she resist? And the burkha thinging likely is concealing something. My bet is on a nest of ferrets!

You've just hit the jackpot, dude!

French Bean & Coffee Bean said...

ROFL! Oh, my! >.<"

-Barb the French Bean

Miss Nikki said...

I really dig the pooch dressed up as the garden gnome. Nice touch!

mepsipax said...

What the fuck is wrong with you.....it is awesome.

brookeamanda said...

You didn't disapoint! Best birthday present ever. RAW DOG!!!!!!!!! I worked that term into a conversation last week.

Paige said...

sexy jorts....im so digging them!

Malach the Merciless said...

That woman in a whore, I have it on good authority

Malach the Merciless said...

That woman in a whore, I have it on good authority

Christina In Wonderland said...

I cannot stop laughing! Damn you and your sword!

Ann said...

Ummm...having read her whole letter, is this some kind of mail order bride scam? What if she shows up? Better keep that sword handy. She'll probably like it.

Grace Matthews said...

Hey I wonder if she is related to Dr. Smith...he just sent me a letter and apparently I am part of his family....wait maybe that's her dead father.

The Barreness said...

Okay I am totally calling you now.

But only if we can discuss the whole "sword in the ass" thing in greater detail.

And to think I turned down the last Nigerian who offered himself to me, electronically, for the bargain price of £175,000, payable in US dollars, to his offshore bank account. Maybe he has a sword and a friend named Juan too - both of which I've now missed the chance to explore.

Fuck.

- B x

Moooooog35 said...

Well..I commented to all these replies and then Blogger gave me the 'service unavailable' bullshit so just insert something funny as a reply to each of your comments.

Thanks in advance.

meleah rebeccah said...

your AWESOME replies back to her are sofa king funny I can't even stand it. And the photos CRACKED me up!

no one writes better emails than you!

MommaKiss said...

For Fuck's Sake, Juan is HOT. And so is that sword. I could use some sword.

MommaKiss said...

Wait, and ferrets? Tickling?
sign me up.

Insectman said...

Oh this is most excellent.

To find a completely marriageable foreign woman, visit:

iamyourblog.blogspot.com

Amy said...

Poor, mean step-mother, rich dead father... dude. Cinderella is fucking spamming you.

A Vapid Blonde said...

Seriously! You need to stop spying on my sword parties...these things are private dude. Just email me if you want to be invited! Shar is so hot for you it's ridiculous. Her elbow pit is chronically damp.

Maxie said...

do you have any other pictures of juan? possibly with less clothing?

I'll be waiting.

Opto-Mom said...

I would totally go for it! After all, her late father had "treasury." Isn't that #4 on your list of Necessary Attributes for Women I Boink?

RE -BadGalsRadio.com said...

ooooooooo shit, you should write for the bravo channel. this shit is better than that Real Housewives of whereever series'. oohh I can't wait to see if she writes back.

The Blogging Goddess said...

Holy Shit...this was the funnies post you have EVER written! LMFAO!

Lana Gramlich said...

Bwah ha HA! Sheer brilliance!

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