Another day, another spam.
I got this the other day:
Sent: Thu, June 17, 2010 9:00:12 AM
Subject: CAN WE WORK TOGETHER?.
CAN WE WORK TOGETHER?.
Let me start by introducing myself,I am Mr Sana Kabore,an ACCOUNTS OFFICER with the Bank of Africa Burkina Faso.
I am writing you this letter based on the latest development at my Department which I will like to bring to your personal edification of (US $15 million transfer claims).
This is a legitimate transaction and I agreed to offer you 40% of this money as my foreign partner after confirmation of the fund in your bank account: get back to me with the listed below and yours comment.
Your Full Name:.............
Your Country:.......... ....
Your Direct Phone N°........
Mr Sana Kabore
God bless you
Well...fresh off of getting STOOD THE HELL UP from Ms. Sharon Wilfred, I replied to Mr. Sana Kabore with the following:
Hola, Mr. Sana Kabore!
Or, as they say in your native African tongue, nik nuk (popping sound) muckaluck nip (popping sound) paddywack.
I know that's translated right because I once watched something on the Discovery Channel about Africa but - to be honest with you - I only watched for, like, 20 minutes to see if they'd show pygmy boobs.
I like boobs. Do you like boobs, Mr. Sana Kabore? I sure do.
I'm pinching my nipples right now.
TOLD you I loved boobs.
Regardless, I would love to get involved in this transaction but I'm already working on the sweet sweet love of one Ms Sharon Wilfred who has offered me the sum of over 2 million dollars.
Sharon is from Senegal. I'm pretty sure that's either Africa or a suburb of Chicago. Oprah's in Chicago AND is African American so I'm pretty sure they're the same thing.
Joke for you:
Q: Why isn't Chicago in Africa?
A: Because we don't have ebola in Chicago!
Do you know Ms Sharon Wilfred? You can call her 'Shar.' I do.
Here..I'm attaching a picture of her to see if maybe you know her:
Well..I'm busy at work trying to nail that fine, fine piece. So the next time you see her, it will be like this:
Still pinching my nipples.
But now I'm all bullshit because she only offered me, like, HALF of what you're offering me (way to prove your undying devotion to me, Shar. Women. Am I right, Mr. Kabore or am I right?!) and even though I'm TOTALLY NOT GAY I am willing to totally bail on my lovely Sharon and allow you the privilege of wooing me with your 40% of fifteen million dollars which involves math and maybe some sort of geometry.
DAMN YOU, ADHD! You have ruined me for..OOOOH! Shiny penny!
Where was I? Oh...doing this transaction with you instead of Shar for some gay sex.*
* you must be Ebola-free for this offer to be valid
If that's acceptable to you, I can give you all the information below. Let me know.
In case you're still on the fence (or, in Africa, dried out oasis), here is a picture of my nipple to seal the deal.
Nik nuk pokalok (popping sound and weird clicky thing) nikky nack kalamazooo! (Can't wait to see your penis even though I'm totally not gay and get money!)
Your Fellow Jesuit Priest,
And then I sent it...
...hoping and praying the Mr. Sana Kabore returns my offer.
You have only yourself to blame, Ms Sharon Wilfred.
I hope you're happy now.