It's Only a Matter of Time Before Fox News Takes Out a Restraining Order | Mental Poo

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

It's Only a Matter of Time Before Fox News Takes Out a Restraining Order


I've decided to turn my Facebook assholishnessicicity (trademark pending) into a regular series because, well, a post is a post.

If you're a friend of mine on Facebook then you may or may not know that I have an amazing ability to have amazing abilities.

One of these amazing abilities is commenting inappropriately on serious stories.

A while ago I did my first post on some of my responses to the local Fox News Channel's Facebook status updates.

It proved to be pretty popular so, here we go again.

Enjoy.





























So I guess I'll keep on doing this shit until someone over at Fox 25 News in Boston (waves to Gene Lavanchy) hires me as an on-the-spot correspondent or starts paying me to write this stuff I guess I'll just keep trying to write this stuff.

49 comments:

Vinny C said...

I am curious as to what methods the scientist used to conduct their studies into sex in space.

Kathy said...

Honestly, I don't know why everyone's not friends with you on Facebook. You're brilliant.

Ed said...

Between reposting your Facebook and Twitter updates, you barely even need to write new stuff.

I am so copying this idea.

Lazy minds think a like.

Jewels said...

hahaha. thanks for the laughs. I swear your quick wit scares me a little. I like to believe I can think of my feet but you have proven me wrong. :-)

SarcasmInAction said...

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for these!
I laughing so loud I'm snorting and I have tears running down my cheeks!
I'm at work and people staring at me like I'm an idiot.
Wait, that happens regardless.

laughingmom said...

Between your twitter and your facebook entries it makes me VERY worried for the next great social media craze!

Miss Yvonne said...

I have no idea why you aren't famous yet either.

Also? Jessica Luke Hudson soooo wants you. Go for it, dude.

If I Were God... said...

So in essence, you stalk Fox on Facebook. I suppose that's better than stalking 'foxes' in real life. Cheaper too, good ladders and night vision goggles are expensive.

Dazee Dreamer said...

omg, you are my biggest hero. nothing better than a huge laughing fit at work.

Kev D. said...

Eric Yanco for President.

Christina_the_wench said...

Your offense does not discriminate. I applaud you, sir.

You want to be a celebrity? Do you have enough hookers and drugs on hand? I heard Two and a Half Men are hiring.

Eva Gallant said...

I love your seriously warped brain! The Salisbury Stakeout was the best!

BlackLOG said...

I would say you are appropriately inappropriate…way too many people pussyfooting around the internet saying what they think people want to hear and not what they actually think

As for the dog that is accused of starting a fire…he was probably trying to cover up the murder of the little girl (you started it….)

A Vapid Blonde said...

I am adding "Start A Brothel For Rent" to my list of things I want to be when I grow up. Because that will make me rich.

I just know it. Ted has given new meaning to my live from the grave.

Now, how do I go about procuring hookers that I can scrub down with bleach and clean up for my new venture?

ThePittsofBeingPeachy said...

I did this so much my local station blocked me and then sent me a personal email asking me to stop. I did, that's why I will never have a million twitter followers I stop just before the law gets involved. ( when I am sober)

Kris said...

Hey!

Per your request, you may call me Ishmael.

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Being a fan of the writing process, such as I am, I'd love to know what breeds were discarded before you settled upon "Self-Addressed Stamped Weimaraner".

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I always love these. I can only imagine the reason they haven't disowned/banned you yet is that someone at Fox is actually a spy from another network, you know, someone with a sense of humour? I love all the Obama hate going on from people who probably voted for Bush and saw nothing wrong with that. LOL.

Miss Rosie said...

will a Weimarainer fit in a mailbox?

Kelly said...

Why your antics haven't pushed Charlie Sheen off the front page I will never know.

But YOU are winning!

Summer said...

You're pretty much the best thing EVER!

Moooooog35 said...

Vinny: I'm guessing it involves some sort of rocket and maybe some astronauts.

Kathy: Awwwww.

*sends you a check*

Ed: It's called 'groundbreaking.'

Jewels: Ah. If only it were my wit that was quick.

Sarcasm: You're welcome.

BUY A MUG!

Laughingmom: YOU MEAN THERE WILL BE MORE?!

Miss Yvonne: I'm going in with your blessing. Thank you. Thank you.

If I Were a God: Maybe the stalk ME. Ever think of THAT?!

Actually, you're kind of spot-on.

Dazee: Spread the word!

Kev: Once again I'm left out.

Christina: No, but I know where I can get some.

*your phone rings*

Eva: You want me so bad.

BlackLOG: I mean, as long as it's a cute dog they just sweep baby maulings right under the carpet.

Vapid: RIGHT?! Can I work the front desk?

Pitts: That's why I only do it, like, 6 times a day.

Moderation is key.

Kris: ISHMAEL!

*goes back to sleep*

Chris: I think that was tops. It's on my short list of funny doggy names.

Pug.

HAHAHAHAHA.

pug.

Veggie: Oh..you want Obama hate, friend my friend Kristin on FB.

Interesting to say the least.

Miss Rosie: Googling an answer for you right now.

Sadly.

Kelly: Winning what?

Summer: mom?

PBJdreamer said...

oh I need to friend you on facebook


this will be interesting


heeee


that is all

or is that all?

I am confused

ryoko861 said...

I'm following FOX news.

Weimarainer? What the hell kind of dog is that?

Brutalism said...

Female astronaut to male astronuat: "That's not the o-ring."

Male astronaut to female astronaut: "That's not my finger."

Mike said...

Why aren't you a celebrity yet? I know why. People are JEALOUS. That's why.

Stacyonthecouch said...

Reading your stuff is literally the happiest part of some of my days.

SisterMerryHellish said...

"In space, no one can hear you scream" almost made me spit food across the room! Almost. I mean, it's ME and it was FOOD.

Impressive! I might have to get on Facebook (I said FaceBOOK) just so I won't miss anything!

Al Penwasser said...

Oh, I am SO going to do this! My FOX station isn't yours so we won't be a couple of battling wiseasses, but this will be great! Thanks for the idea! I'm going to log off blogger and add my FOX station as a friend! Too too funny! (WARNING: I appear to have used up my allocated supply of exclamation marks. Damn.)

Demented Duchess said...

A guy I know posted this as his status:

On February 23, 1885, English authorities attempted to hang convicted murderer John Lee. Despite three attempts at execution, the hanging gallows would not work. Bewildered by this turn of events, the court considered the unexplained malfunction to be an "act of God" and spared Lee's life

I responded:

Demented Duchess Little did they know, Feebus the court bailiff was in charge of greasing the lever to gallows but after a long night of ale, women and dart throwing, he woke up late and with only an hour left before the execution was to commence, he peed on it instead. This of course caused the metal pin in the lever to rust and it would not budge.

Feebus, in fear of being found out for the inept moron that he was, kept quiet until right before his death, where he bequeathed to his favorite mistress his personal diary, in which were the true accounts of that day.

John Lee went on to have 10 children with 3 different prostitutes from different parts of the world. A decedent of one was, Lee Harvey Oswald, who, as we know, is the government scapegoat accused of assassinating president John F. Kennedy.

So the moral of the story is: If you are going to go out drinking and whoring, don't do it the night before an execution if you are the one in charge of making sure the equipment works right. Your decision may be used to kill a president.

P.S.-
I like you Rodney- you funny guy.

ClevelandPoet said...

you sir are a hero.

I usually just terrorize my friends serious posts. Perhaps in your honor I will torment my local news facebook too.

meleah rebeccah said...

I crack up EVERY SINGLE TIME you update your Facebook Status.

Rahul said...

I'm surprised you haven't taken over Hannity's spot yet considering you are actually interesting.

OH, SICK BURN
AM I RIGHT.

DOG3OY said...

i need to find a pointless media outlet to stalk..

The Reckmonster said...

Love! Love! Love! Sheer genius!

Nicole said...

Fun with dimwits! Is there a season for this sport or is it legal year-round? You've won trophies, haven't you? What do you do with all the stuffed Tea Party-ers?

The Absence of Alternatives said...

Your Facebook comments are full of Tiger Blood and Adonis DNA awesome. More more more!

Jen said...

I'm out of wonderful things to say about your posts. I sound like a spammer now because all I ever say is "hilarious', "peed my pants" and the old stand by "nice post".

Winning!

Big Mama Cass said...

LMFAO nice! Those are awesome. I am following them now to keep my eye out for your crazy comments. And I don't even live in Boston! LOL!!

The Empress said...

Moooooog, what else can I say, that you're not sick of hearing???

You have got to be one of the funniest men ever born.

LMAO, ROFLMAO, LOL...what ELSE is there???

Malach the Merciless said...

Channel 7 in Boston has way hotter chick journalists

Jenny DB said...

NOTE TO SELF: Do not read your posts at work. I cannot keep from bursting into laughs that come out like snorts. It's not good. Not good at all. This post, on the other hand... amazing! Thank you for making my day.

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

My head is filled with Fox News, dogs in boxes, astronaut sex and President Garfield. That last one might just be me though.

Sandra said...

Keep going, I can sense that you're close to being hired on....I guess this is the part where you'd draw the arrow towards my name and write in black ink: Wants me!

Cake Betch said...

LOVE. Adding you to FB.

Marie said...

Oh you really are wasting your best stuff on them. Too funny.

TheNextMartha said...

This made my day. Not my weekend but it's a start.

Caleb said...

Moooooooooog!

Ha... nice stuff! Another Friday laugh!

My favorites:

"Salisbury Stake out" I LOLed

And the 2 minutes one. Awesome.

Can I get in on this? Just "like" Fox25 and I'm good, right?

I don't want to step on your toes. Just figure that 2 is always better than 1, unless it's herpes. Can you have 2 herpes?

Why do I get distracted so easily.

Caleb

Ashley said...

You are awesome.

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