We're Gonna Need a Bigger....Roll of TP

From Urban Dictionary:



*readers flee*

Don't worry, don't worry. This is not about me shitting my pants again.

Sadly.

I don't know why, but the other day an idea popped into my head which prompted this Tweet:


I kind of just made that up on the fly..

..but then other people on Twitter started quoting 'Jaws' using this method and, well, I guess I was right.

First for everything.

Just for you, my loyal readers, I've taken the liberty of redoing some of Jaws' best quotes substituting "shart" for "shark."

Enjoy.

******************


Quint: "This shart, swallow you whole."



Quint (telling the story of the USS Indianapolis): "You know, it was kinda like old squares in the battle like you see in the calendar named "The Battle of Waterloo" and the idea was: shart comes to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shart go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shart he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shart... he's got lifeless eyes."


Hooper: "Hooper: Well, this is not a boat accident! And it wasn't any propeller; and it wasn't any coral reef; and it wasn't Jack the Ripper! It was a shart."


Brody: "Is it true that most people get attacked by sharts in three feet of water about ten feet from the beach?"


Hooper: "They caught A shart, not THE shart. Not the shart that killed Chrissie Watkins... and probably not the shart that killed the little boy... which I wanted to prove today, by cutting the shart open..."


Ellen Brody: "My husband tells me you're in sharts."


Quint: "What d'ya have there - a portable shower or a monkey cage?"
Hooper: "Anti-Shart cage."
Quint: "Anti-shart cage. You go inside the cage?"
[Hooper nods]
Quint: "Cage goes in the water. You go in the water. Shart's in the water. Our shart."


Brody: "That shart will rip that cage to pieces!"


Quint: "I'm not talkin' 'bout pleasure boatin' or day sailin'. I'm talkin' 'bout workin' for a livin'. I'm talkin' 'bout sharting!"


Brody: "Then why don't we have one more drink and go down and cut that shart open?"


Brody: "We're going to put on the extra- the extra summer deputies as quickly as possible, and then we're going to try and use, uh, shart-spotters on the beach."


Hooper: "All this machine does is swim and eat and make little sharts."


Brody: "Larry, the summer is over. You're the mayor of "Shart City"."


Mayor Vaughn: "Martin, it's all psychological. You yell 'barracuda,' everybody says, "Huh? What?" You yell 'shart,' and we've got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July."

*****************
Did I miss any?

Enjoy your next viewing!

Moog out.