I Like to Google Alphabetically | Mental Poo

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I Like to Google Alphabetically

I have not a single clue as to why but I was messing around with "Google" stuff which I kind of stumbled on that time I was writing my post about flying with the crazy Ebola/Typhoid chick..

..when I decided that it was time to debut a new feature on here called, "I like to Google Alphabetically"

Basically, I pick a phrase which may or may not be normal, then go through the alphabet to see what kind of screwed up shit comes up.

You're welcome.

Today's Google Phrase:


But before I did "I like TO," I stopped at "I like.." and this popped up:

I don't know what a mischievous badger is, but if it exists, it has to be AMAZING.


To wade through the bullshit I only did the ones where I was, like, WTF?

Here goes...


Personally, I like to annoy people by abusing my dog and then arguing with them about it.

Three birds, one stone.

I also like to abuse my birds.


I was thinking "how do you blow a tree?" but then realized it's probably pretty easy since a tree always has wood.

*cymbal crashes


"C" sucked - like, the best I could get was when I made it "I like to CH" and "I like to check you for ticks" came up.


I'm wondering if the guy who likes to dissect girls is the same guy who also likes to dance.

Would explain a LOT.


Who's hungry?!

Then there's a shitty alphabetic drought until the letter 'P' for some reason although, honestly, this seems appropriate.


I'm thinking we should get the "I like to poop" person and the "I like to eat poop" person together.

It would be like Match.com but, you know, way more fucking disgusting.

FYI, if you Google "Jesus in a tuxedo" you get this:

The more you know.

The there's nothing of significance until "S" which gave me "I like to singa about the moona" which just made me laugh because Italians are funny unless they're gangsters and then I thought about that book, "Strega Nona" and her magic pasta pot and how Big Anthony almost killed thousands of people with spaghetti.

The moral of that story was supposed to be about listening and paying attention but I'm pretty sure all I got from is it is that no matter what, never ever trust a man wearing a scarf.

Then I got to 'T.'


Then after 'T' the only thing I found of note was in 'W' where "I like to wear diapers" came up and since most two year olds can barely understand basic scientific principles like the coefficient of friction never mind being able to work Firefox (screw you, Internet Explorer!), I'm gonna guess an adult searched for this and..



Then again, maybe it's that guy who likes to poop and pee.

Makes sense, Google.

Makes sense.


Lady Estrogen said...

That was awesome.
OK. So I sometimes do this too - but it's not to waste quality time, but because I forget part of the phrase and I screw around with google until it magically reminds me of what I wanted... but THIS? I sooo have to pay more attention to the rejects that pop up.

I Know, I Need To Stop Talking said...

Bahahahaha. I laughed. A lot. There is some weeeeeeeeeird shit out there.

Anonymous said...

Wow! I am looking at google in a whole other way now. If I ever find myself with free time I am totally doing this! haha. I also kind of want to take the kids thumbs down today and watch them try and function! Thanks for the idea...I'll take pictures.

Alison said...

You could spend a lot of time on Google doing funny shit like that. I think Google might actually know that.......

Christina_the_wench said...

So there's a lot of taping of body parts together and pooping going on out there. Good to know.

God, I need more coffee. Wow.

Brutalism said...

"I like big buttes and I cannot lie" -- the less popular, not as catchy song written by Sir Mixalot's distant cousin in Montana...

Random Girl said...

The phrase "too much time on your hands" first popped to mind but it was indeed a worth while venture after reading your results. It's funny, but a little scary all at the same time.

Opto-Mom said...

I also like big "buttes," but I CAN lie.

Karen said...

I needed a laugh today and once again you did not let me down. I'm' really curious about the "I like to blow trees" one...I just can't figure out how that would work exactly - unless I'm thinking about it in a really bass ackward way.
I gotta try this out sometime...looks fun and hilarious - my two favorite things!

laughingmom said...

After you tape up your hands into dinosaur claws, you should try typing into the google search to see what random stuff comes up!

Hildy said...

I think you've just figured out why Google's Q1 earnings were disappointing.

MrsBlogAlot said...

HAAAAA! Your like Sesame Street on Google crack!

Think Rachel Ray is the guy who likes to poop and pee?

John said...

I may have just taped my thumbs to my hand - it makes typing really fucking difficult.

ClevelandPoet said...

I'm pretty sure Beckham is the one who was searching I like to wear diapers.

Unknown said...

The FBI should be monitoring people that follow the I like to dissect girls. i guess dissecting boys or lab rats is not all that popular anymore?

jessica said...

About the chalk eating....

Moooooog35 said...

Lady: you're welcome.

I know: I know.

Jewels: You mean you don't tape their thumbs down on a regular basis already?


Alison: Trust me..I know.

Christina: hopefully not at the same time.

Brutalism: you complete me.

random: too much time on my TAPED hands.

opto: hey. join the club.

karen: I'm here for you (New Hampshire)

laughing: I'm already in a cast..you trying to kill me?

Hildy: good point.

Mrsblogalot: I'd rather not think about that, thankyouverymuch.

John: that's not tape. go wash up.

cleveland: hey..whatever Posh wants...

Greg: I plead the fifth.

Jessica: yessss....?

Emma_ps said...

I don't feel quite as sad and insane now, we do this we also start with our names and "is" that can be quite funny comes up with different things on different days too! Today apparently I am awesome , a loser and poo!

Jeremy from We Took The Bait said...

Instead of picturing Jesus as a mischievous badger, or picturing Jesus in a tuxedo, I usually just picture mischievous badgers wearing tuxedos.

Chris said...

The first thing that jumped out at me was the "Big Buttes" thing, but Brutalism got in a better joke so now I have nothing funny to say. Why did I sign up for Blogger again?

Rodney, thanks for the laughs. By the way, this is my first comment. You broke my cherry.

Google Autocomplete inevitably makes me think of my daughter. What is it with kids these days? She's on Facebook every possible moment, but that's not the remarkable thing.

Check this out: She NEVER uses the address bar in the web browser. She has NO bookmarks. Google's the start page and that's where everything gets typed. If she wants to go to facebook, she types in "facebook" into the Google Search field. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Same with any other site she goes to. It's endlessly fascinating.

meleah rebeccah said...

AhahahhHAHHAHAhHAHAHhaahha.....OMG......I am laughing so much, I cannot even type a comment. AAHhahaHAHAha. This is too fucking funny!!!!

Anonymous said...

Trees is cannabis. Blowing is exhaling smoke.

Devon said...

Oh, thank you. You have given me a new fun hobby for those times I am bored. LOLOL.

jack mehoff said...

i just discovered google does have a spot in its heart for certain sex acts: hot karling and donkey punch both turned up and donkey punch is in wiki as well!


and there is an extremely funny depiction set in motion on wiki for it

google and wiki are naughty....your naughty!

side note: boston steam roller did not show up on googles radar

Leila (Don't Speak Whinese) said...

This was hilarious!!!! I love looking up the random weird things that people google. It cracks me up to see the strange things that people google to find my blog. Remember people.. when you google ridiculous things someone WILL find out and mock you on the internet ;)

Rahul said...

I've clicked on that I like to blow trees one too many times to count.

Ok, 4.

Dazee Dreamer said...

Oh my, when you mentioned, how do you blow a tree, it brought up a post I did last month when my cousin was in town. I usually don't like to toot my own horn, but really, you need to go check out the picture of the tree and the one with my cousin in it.


Vicky said...

Ha Ha ha, now I have something to look forward to when it is quiet at work LOL

Mrs. Tuna said...

I googled Mrs. Tuna the other day and my blog came up as number three after some silly myspace crap. But we all know myspace is old school.

A Vapid Blonde said...

In the winter I drive my MIL's car because my sexy american muscle car hates bad weather. So to make matters worse beyond the fact that I am driving a totally unsexy car in my unsexy winter clothes, I totally found an unused (thankfuckinggod) adult male diaper in the glove box.

Just shoot me. Dead. Until spring.

Aja said...

LOL thanks big big thanks for this post. this is so funny, I read it and laughed aloud. google speaks, google sings, what next - google will dance on video bu funny way? :)

Sandra said...

I am wiping tears of laughter from my eyes....oh sure, you're probably thinking, "No you aren't!" but I really am! And you can believe me because I'm not one of those people who likes to eat poop.

I'm Just Sayin said...

Wow, this made my day. I actually saw a book of all these type of things...crazy, stupid google searches people make. I really like the "i like to think of my jesus in a tuxedo." too funny!!

Anonymous said...

You never cease to amaze me....you're so worth stalking...

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

Ok. Do not do the tape to see what it was like to be a dinosaur!!!!!! See. T Rex had those little arms so he could not masturbate. And as we all know t-rex was MEAN! So u don't wanna go *there*

Same principle apllies to great white sharks, nuns, and my ex-wife. Ooooo they do get mean

Minka said...

Here's one for "S": SO fucking funny I nearly peed in my diaper -- I mean depends -- I mean latex underwear -- I mean... actually I don't know what I mean, it's hard to think while wearing this Ball gag. maybe this shoulda been filed under B?

Anyway -- awesome idea. And especially relevant for me when this past week, I noticed that two keyword search terms that led people to my site (and I use the world "people" loosely) were: "children fucked" and "tried to fuck my husband in the ass."

Who knew Google would eventually become such a mirror of humanity? So profound!

Pat said...

I thought, just once I'd like to peek into your brain, and then I thought, "what am I, nucking futs?" And then I thought, "Wait, that's EXACTLY what it must be like!"

And now I'm satisfied. And I have to admit, that doesn't happen very often. I'm just saying.

BNM said...

hahahaha people are weird!!!

Jessica said...

Dying over "E." Hilarious as always.

Alice X said...

I thought i was the only one who liked to picture my Jesus in tuxedo. Google needs a shrink!

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