My ex-father-in-law is now in on the act.
Let me explain.
As most of my regular readers know, one of my favorite pastimes is lying to my children.
Seriously. Making shit up is one of the reasons I had kids in the first place.
That, and the tax deductions.
Hold on..hold on..they're calling me for something.
"BACK IN THE BASEMENT!"
Where was I?
Oh. My father-in-law.
So, my daughter, Payton, is practicing for her chorus concert which includes the singing of the National Anthem.
So, for 5 frigging weeks all I hear is:
"OooooohhhHHH Saaayyyyyieieeee can youuuuuoouou seeEEEee..."
If Proctor & Gamble made a product called 'Instant Deaf' I would have overdosed on it by now.
So, the other night I can hear Payton and my son, Cameron, arguing about something.
I was doing my usual, which is sitting on the couch trying to look invisible.
I mean, if Kevin Bacon can do it, how difficult can it be, really?
Kevin Bacon, what is your invisibility secret?!?!?
Cam: "Was the National Anthem made during a baseball game?"
Payton: "I told Cam that the National Anthem was made during war time, but HE says it was made up at a baseball game."
Me: "Cam..they SING it at baseball games, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't invented at a baseball game."
He looks confused.
..here is where my ex-father-in-law comes in.
Cam: "Because Grampy told me that there was a guy at a baseball game named Jose, and a big guy sat in front of him and then the people around him felt bad and asked him, 'Jose...can you see?'...and that's how they made the National Anthem."
My father in law is a goddamn genius.
Here I was...all this time...thinking that lying to my children and telling them shit like raisins are actually made from people and that my other kid blew away in a stiff breeze and that Jesus Christ's middle initial is actually "H" for fun and profit was MY job..
..when he steps up to the plate and BLAMMO my kid thinks the National Anthem was made because a Spanish guy had an obstructed view at a Red Sox game.
I'm gonna have to step it up.
That was brilliant.