I like mayonnaise.
Please note that this is not a euphemism for what you think it is because I'm totally not into the gay thing unless it's maybe Mike Rowe from "Dirty Jobs" because there's just something about that guy.
Being a single dad I figured I'd try to spruce up my already spectacular physique by purchasing "Light Reduced Calorie Mayonnaise" at the grocery store and save myself a few calories.
NOTE: If you like regular mayo, light reduced-calorie mayo is a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE IDEA.
But I've spent, like, $2 on this shit so I can't just throw it out and say goodbye to a week's salary so now I'm struggling through the jar one disgusting sandwich at a time, but would much rather be doing anything else.
Please note that #8 originally said "Be Ron Jeremy's personal fluffer" but after much consideration I felt there was way too much gay in this post already.
There's probably more, but right now Dirty Jobs is on.
They should make him eat light mayo.