My Son and the Ass-Munching Goat | Mental Poo

Monday, June 23, 2008

My Son and the Ass-Munching Goat

The alternate title of this was:

"Check out how F*CKING CUTE my son is!"

But I was worried about people searching for "f*ck" and "son" in the same sentence coming to visit.

On a side note:

"Hi Dad."

Anyway...

My wife chaperoned my son on his field trip to a farm last week.

A farm.

Ugh.

Unfortunately, when you live in New England, you only have three choices for field trips:

1) Something historic

This goes over well, you know...

...because 4 year olds are just so intrigued about how to make your own f*cking butter.


2) Some kind of museum

Seriously.

How I ever got through kindergarten without slitting my f*cking wrists after a field trip is beyond me.


3) Some kind of farm

Dirt.

Hay.

Animal shit.

Awesome.

Yeah...New England.

We kinda suck sometimes.


My wife was much more stable than I was as a chaperone...

...which is well documented in the mental torture I subjected the kids to in a post titled:

Raisins are People.

Yes folks. I have no shame.

Big f*cking surprise, eh?

Regardless...

My wife sent me this picture from the trip:


Again:

How F*CKING CUTE is my son?!?

He looks just like his dad.

(So I'm told)

When she showed the picture to him, he said:

"Yeah...the goat kept chewing on my bum."

Huh?

Oh.

Look closer:


F*cking ass-munching goats...GET OFF OF MY SON!!!

Wait...

Flash forward 18 years to his bachelor party where I'm saying the same thing.

Yeah...it's gonna be one CRAZY-ASS party.

I've already started putting money away for it.

Now there's a field trip I'm going to have NO problem with.

I hope the strippers bring the butter churn.

23 comments:

Mike said...

People just think your son looks like you because you're both the same height.

People say that about me and my old man. Except we are the same height, I just didn't get there till I was 17.

Also, congratulations on your son's first sexual experience, even if it was with a goat.

People from New Zealand will be jealous.

AngryMan said...

So, who is it that your "son" looks like?

Midleah said...

Somebody open a window. It smells like brimstone up in here.

mauniejames3 said...

As long as that handsome doll doesn't "act" like you..all he would have to do is smile and he will have a cast of thousands following him home..as well as the goat..kind of cute though...

moooooog35 said...

Mike/Angry: I blame the UPS guy. He's tall, and always has goats around. Not sure why.

Midleah: Hey...finally put your link up. Now...stop badgering me, woman!!

Maunie: He acts JUST LIKE ME. He thinks he's funny AND he has NO idea when to stop. Drives. My wife. NUTS.

The Doggy Did It said...

I am actually a little grossed out by that first picture. I am pretty glad I did not have to see it before the edits!!

Then I realized it was a chick, doing a guy....then I threw up. And then I wondered why on earth he was wearing a jock strap?

Then I threw up again.

Thanks Mooooog.

catscratch diva said...

You are a warped sick man. Goats are NOT good at bachelor parties.

rs27 said...

Eating farm dirt is no fun. No fun at all.

Blonde Goddess said...

Perhaps the goat was looking for a cucumber?
Has your refrigerator exploded recently?

Dolce said...

I was in desperate need of a good laugh and you delivered. Thanks! Sorry it was at the expense of your son's bum.

Indrani Bhattacharya said...

At the cost of sounding repetitive; your son is a beautiful boy, with an expressive pair of peepers.
Holding the lamb like he enjoys being on a farm and loved what he was doing, makes me want to give him a hug.

C.Rag said...

So I was googling fucking goats & I clicked here. Damn I normally come here anyways.
So I'm off for goats & fucking.

GorillaSushi said...

And that's how he got busted smuggling oatmeal...

moooooog35 said...

Doggy: You'd be amazed at the shit I come across trying to find pictures. In fact...good idea for a post. Get your vomit bag ready.

Catscratch: Talking from experience, are we?

RS27: Been there. Done that. Except it was heroin in a squatter's den. Different story...not so funny.

BG: once again, you've lost me.

Dolce: You're welcome. My son says, "thanks."

Indrani: Thanks for the compliment on my boy. I paid a lot for him so it's nice to know it's worth it.

C.Rag: Why am I not surprised.

Gorilla: I smell a new Hardy Boy's Mystery!!

Becky..AMHW said...

Holding my bladder for 400 miles while on a 120 degree bus for my son's field trip this last week has left me with a urinary tract infection.

And someone kept farting in that close quarters cave we went to tour. If I can hold urine for 400 miles you can hold in a fart for an hour dammit.

Yet, I am still very glad I wasn't around any goats.

Raspootin said...

Thanks for making the mundane moooogalious :)

Warped Mind of Ron said...

I thought everybody knew that you have to supply your own butter churn for the strippers at those parties!

OHmommy said...

With that.

You have been added to my reader.

"F*cking ass-munching goats...GET OFF OF MY SON!!!"

Priceless. Seriously. That is all.

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

Damm that classy OHmommy beating me to telling you I'm adding you to my reader.

Whatever - still doing it.

Fun fun funny

wpat said...

Brilliant! Thanks to OHMommy for turning me on. To your blog that is...

Malach the Merciless said...

I wonder what George Carlin would say?

Smileygirl said...

Speaking of "f*ck" and "son" Why don't you post some of your google search words? I am sure you've got some interesting ones.

Btw, your son is adorable. And so are the goats. But not the ass munching one. He's a perv.

Cel said...

Another funny post coming from you... Thanks. You never disappoint me ;0

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