The alternate title of this was:
"Check out how F*CKING CUTE my son is!"
But I was worried about people searching for "f*ck" and "son" in the same sentence coming to visit.
On a side note:
"Hi Dad."
Anyway...
My wife chaperoned my son on his field trip to a farm last week.
A farm.
Ugh.
Unfortunately, when you live in New England, you only have three choices for field trips:
1) Something historic
This goes over well, you know...
...because 4 year olds are just so intrigued about how to make your own f*cking butter.
2) Some kind of museum
Seriously.
How I ever got through kindergarten without slitting my f*cking wrists after a field trip is beyond me.
3) Some kind of farm
Dirt.
Hay.
Animal shit.
Awesome.
Yeah...New England.
We kinda suck sometimes.
My wife was much more stable than I was as a chaperone...
...which is well documented in the mental torture I subjected the kids to in a post titled:
Raisins are People.
Yes folks. I have no shame.
Big f*cking surprise, eh?
Regardless...
My wife sent me this picture from the trip:
Again:
How F*CKING CUTE is my son?!?
He looks just like his dad.
(So I'm told)
When she showed the picture to him, he said:
"Yeah...the goat kept chewing on my bum."
Huh?
Oh.
Look closer:
F*cking ass-munching goats...GET OFF OF MY SON!!!
Wait...
Flash forward 18 years to his bachelor party where I'm saying the same thing.
Yeah...it's gonna be one CRAZY-ASS party.
I've already started putting money away for it.
Now there's a field trip I'm going to have NO problem with.
I hope the strippers bring the butter churn.
Monday, June 23, 2008
My Son and the Ass-Munching Goat
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22 comments:
People just think your son looks like you because you're both the same height.
People say that about me and my old man. Except we are the same height, I just didn't get there till I was 17.
Also, congratulations on your son's first sexual experience, even if it was with a goat.
People from New Zealand will be jealous.
So, who is it that your "son" looks like?
Somebody open a window. It smells like brimstone up in here.
As long as that handsome doll doesn't "act" like you..all he would have to do is smile and he will have a cast of thousands following him home..as well as the goat..kind of cute though...
Mike/Angry: I blame the UPS guy. He's tall, and always has goats around. Not sure why.
Midleah: Hey...finally put your link up. Now...stop badgering me, woman!!
Maunie: He acts JUST LIKE ME. He thinks he's funny AND he has NO idea when to stop. Drives. My wife. NUTS.
I am actually a little grossed out by that first picture. I am pretty glad I did not have to see it before the edits!!
Then I realized it was a chick, doing a guy....then I threw up. And then I wondered why on earth he was wearing a jock strap?
Then I threw up again.
Thanks Mooooog.
You are a warped sick man. Goats are NOT good at bachelor parties.
Eating farm dirt is no fun. No fun at all.
Perhaps the goat was looking for a cucumber?
Has your refrigerator exploded recently?
I was in desperate need of a good laugh and you delivered. Thanks! Sorry it was at the expense of your son's bum.
At the cost of sounding repetitive; your son is a beautiful boy, with an expressive pair of peepers.
Holding the lamb like he enjoys being on a farm and loved what he was doing, makes me want to give him a hug.
And that's how he got busted smuggling oatmeal...
Doggy: You'd be amazed at the shit I come across trying to find pictures. In fact...good idea for a post. Get your vomit bag ready.
Catscratch: Talking from experience, are we?
RS27: Been there. Done that. Except it was heroin in a squatter's den. Different story...not so funny.
BG: once again, you've lost me.
Dolce: You're welcome. My son says, "thanks."
Indrani: Thanks for the compliment on my boy. I paid a lot for him so it's nice to know it's worth it.
C.Rag: Why am I not surprised.
Gorilla: I smell a new Hardy Boy's Mystery!!
Holding my bladder for 400 miles while on a 120 degree bus for my son's field trip this last week has left me with a urinary tract infection.
And someone kept farting in that close quarters cave we went to tour. If I can hold urine for 400 miles you can hold in a fart for an hour dammit.
Yet, I am still very glad I wasn't around any goats.
Thanks for making the mundane moooogalious :)
I thought everybody knew that you have to supply your own butter churn for the strippers at those parties!
With that.
You have been added to my reader.
"F*cking ass-munching goats...GET OFF OF MY SON!!!"
Priceless. Seriously. That is all.
Damm that classy OHmommy beating me to telling you I'm adding you to my reader.
Whatever - still doing it.
Fun fun funny
Brilliant! Thanks to OHMommy for turning me on. To your blog that is...
I wonder what George Carlin would say?
Speaking of "f*ck" and "son" Why don't you post some of your google search words? I am sure you've got some interesting ones.
Btw, your son is adorable. And so are the goats. But not the ass munching one. He's a perv.
Another funny post coming from you... Thanks. You never disappoint me ;0
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