Trust me.
That title will play itself out in a minute.
My wife, as an inner-city Kindergarten teacher, gives me a lot of story ideas.
This post is no exception.
My wife showed me a response she received from a newsletter that was sent home with the kids.
At the end of the newsletter, was a space for the parents to put in any comments.
People, let me say this:
If you think teachers are overpaid and have it easy...
...try deciphering shit like this every day (click to enlarge):
Sorry about the bluriness..but my camera phone is a piece of shit (the only one I've ever found with rotary dial).
Worst $4.99 I've ever spent.
Can you hear me now?
No. No I can't.
I don't think this phone came with a fucking speaker.
HELLO? HELLO?
Fuck you, Verizon.
The comments the mom wrote were:
"I am look not bad Her write a paper draw idea to paper Her self write letter a paper Her know good count and number a paper."
* blink
I've read this, like, 12 times and don't have a single fucking clue what this is supposed to say.
Keep in mind this in NOT the Kindergarten student.
This is her MOTHER.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
My wife gets a second - SECOND - response...
...almost as bad as the first:
* blink
* blink blink
"I am look her self write count paper her see count easy a paper."
Oh.
Obviously.
I'm dying to know what these actually mean.
I figure I'd just send them each a letter asking:
"Dear Illiterate Mom,
The fuck?"
I'm just hoping they don't reply.
I don't have that kind of time to try to figure that shit out.
48 comments:
wow. thats almost an entirely different language.
maybe THEY should be the ones in kindergarten....
If anyone EVER said teachers are underpaid, they're high on those pain killers you're popping.
That said, will you please remove my letters from your website? It took me a long time to write them.
Aw, looks like someone's showing off their first English word. Paper. It's not just for paper anymore.
Reminds me of the SNL skit where Mike Meyers (as Mick Jagger) is berating Keith Richards (played by Mick Jagger): "That's not even English, man. It's like Esperanto, or some language twins teach to each other."
Times were easier when cell phones were big and bulky.
Her comment a paper for count good comment a paper her self good comment
ireland: ALMOST an entirely different language?
I've watched National Geographic shows about pygmies and understood more.
Momma: Knew it.
Steam Me: If you didn't crack me up you would still crack me up.
That's my comment and I'm sticking with it.
Jessica: Yes..but instead of 'twins' their 'Dominicans.'
Wicked: Well put.
Matt: I KNOW, RIGHT! Although the smaller ones fit in my tiny paws SO much better.
Sarah: Yes. Five of them agree totally.
Looks like Mom could benefit from an ESL class. Sad.
At least you don't have to worry about the parents doing all of THAT student's homework.
At least it's legible.
her spelling is good?
Vodka makes a good point. At least each randomly selected word is spelled correctly.
What would you rather be or a cow? A coat 'cause a vest has no sleeves.
Exactly my point!
I'm thinking maybe her Kindergarten child's writing would be easier to read... just sayin'.
I am a medical transcriptionist, and I shit you not, some doctors dictate exactly the same way those mothers write...and they are doctors, for fuck sake. I've had many a headache because of it.
Oh, sweet Jesus. I just got off of the phone with a patient of ours who speaks English just about as well as that lady writes it...
"Please to like the doctor do blood?"
Whaaaa..?
Well that was straightforward. Just make sure not to anger the unicorn. I'm just saying.
As a schoolteacher, I needed to comment, if only to agree!
Pay more I am need us!
She sounds like a Democrat. She the Mayor or something?
Wow! That's hilarious and sad and entertaining. Did I tell you it's my birthday?? Thanks for that present.
I'm posting a link to this on my Facebook. I have a lot of teacher friends who can relate to this post.
I have her brother in my 4th period class...
I've seen this before. It's code, dude. They are rocket scientists. Just saying...
I did NOT read that as "count" the first time.
I need help.
EVA: SECOND LANGUAGE?! SECOND?!
Narm: Or..really..ANY of it.
Me-Me: Always a silver lining with you.
Cut it out.
Vodka: Are you related to Me-Me? The Hell?
Confessor:
*blink
CatLady: Oh...be careful what you wish for.
Vagiunta: I'm more curious what the Hell a vagiunta is.
Please 'splain.
Kate: It makes it SO much harder when you can't read their lips and they're too far away to strangle.
Ziva: EXACTLY.
C: Yes...because 3 months off warrants much more money.
Coffey: Signed, Mrs. Obama.
Summer: You're welcome for this present.
I saved the receipt.
LB: Are you old enough to be reading this blog?
Momma: Again with you women and your incontinence.
It's truly, truly disturbing.
Lilu: Scratch what I just said..THAT was more disturbing.
Monique: OMG OMG OMG CODE?!?!? Get Matt Damon on the phone STAT!
Well, she can form letters with a pencil. That's a start...
***Ally
At least she had a legible handwriting.
Can't wait for your post on parent-teacher night.
I adore these posts...mostly because I can so closely relate. Hubs teaches inner city elementary 99.9% Hispanic, ESL....it's amazing. Really....is it sad that I could tell you what that parental note meant?
Hubs has parents that refuse to fill out and return the Free and Reduced Lunch forms because they think its some kind of trap that will result in deporation if they sign it.....
I stupid blog post with her baby
Obviously, Hooked On Phonics didn't work for these illegal Mexicans.
Maybe it's a code. Like your wife is stuck in the middle of National Treasure movie.
I feel like every comment I leave on your site ends up involving a Nicolas Cage movie.
I need help.
Ok. I went out and bought some depends...so the incontinence problem is solved... at least while I am reading your blog...and now that I have all that under control...all I can say about that parent is...not surprised. Final answer. And it's still damn funny.
You look is good count write to blog her self write the number good paper! Me look see count be write paper steam gippity frik!
Dude, that means that the mom looked at the paper and her daughter did the paper herself. And the daughter thought it was easy.
Duh.
Geesh, you don't have to be a teacher to understand that.
Two Normal: Aaaand should be the finish, actually.
Wannabe: Like the parents show up. You're funny.
Daffy: You said 'deporation.' Just pointing that out for this post, specifically.
Malach: And that's why blue is the bestest!
Ed: We don't have Mexicans. We have everything else.
Maxie: I really really cannot argue that point AT ALL.
Momma: See? Ingenuity! Yay for you!
Tgoette: HAHAHA GIPPITY FRIK!
Love that.
Jules: I read your thing twice and still don't get it.
Oooooooooh.
I know someone who could decipher that for ya...
It was lik...I don't kno...it's a shame...
OY
I'd really like to hear William Shatner do an reading of those comments. *snap, snap, snap*
I am look not Moooooog himself. Hell you go to.
I think it would have been much easier on all of us if this woman just wrote "I'm an idiot"
Is the mother's name Precious by any chance?
I will NEVER know how your wife has the patience to deal with that!
People actually write like this? You can't make it up?
This is disturbing. Very much so. I pity the fools...
Ass my laugh off. Engrish be must in.
MLOA! Have they been elected heads of the PTA yet?
Lee: Que?
Mrsblogalot: I don't think Hebrew has any place in this post. Actually..what the Hell..no one understands this anyway.
Elly: BRILLIANT!!
Brutalism: I know, right?
What?
lbluca: Like she'd get THAT right.
miss Spoken: No..you're thinking about my private dancer.
Meleah: She has a lot of practice at home.
Christina: Welcome to the wonderful world of 'open borders.'
Jen: YES! Exactly! Five of them.
Kellie: If this is an attempt at extorting me for child support, I'm not giving in.
Nicky: HAHAHA...like parents there would actually show up.
God, I can't tell you how much I'd love a phone with rotary dial. That may be your most brilliant idea ever. You could be rich. Seriously, I'm not kidding, that would be soooo much fun.
If we are gonna be friends I have to say that was a douchey thing you said on LiLu's's blog about Michelle Obama. Not all women can look all helpless and in need of a man's coat like Kate Moss. Let us redbone country girls look healthy, its how we're made.
Okay, now that I got that off my chest were good again.
That. Is. Scary.
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