Twix or Tweets - Celebrity Edition | Mental Poo

Friday, May 21, 2010

Twix or Tweets - Celebrity Edition

So this is the one where I get followed on Twitter by all the celebrities after they read this.

Except Jessica Alba..she already follows me.


She be sneaky.

The latest rage for asshole lazy bloggers is to self-promote themselves by reposting some of their own Twitter Tweets as blog posts.

I am now stooping to this level.

Actually, I'm 5'-2" tall.

No stooping required. Already there.


Below are some of my very own Tweets that I've subjected my 12 followers to.

Click here for Volume One, Volume Two and Volume Three.

There's a skew on this one, though:

These Tweets all involve celebrity mentions.



Easter at Octomom's house: The worst. Egg hunt. Ever.

Do chicks really find Robert Pattinson attractive? He's like the bastard child of Crispin Glover and Jimmy Neutron

"Stallone and Schwarzenneger to co-star in "The Expendables."" I'm thinking they should rename it to "The Unintelligibles."

Bumsex is like Jada Pinkett mysterious.

"Ricky Martin announces online that he's gay." In other shocking news: water is wet.

I know chicks dig Ty Pennington..but every time I see him I just want to knock him unconscious and then wet his stupid hair down.

Did anyone see Kate Gosselin dance horribly on DWTS? Like mom always said: A floppy labia = bad tango. We had horrible conversations.

Just tried making cookies with my daughter. They deflated horribly. So it's like I just made 5 batches of Geena Davis' breasts.

Happy Birthday, Sarah Jessica Parker. Or, as they say in your native tongue: "Naayyyy! Naaayy!" (stomp 4 times)

I'm just going to assume that Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite type of pasta was elbows.

Has NO one thought of "Ghost Hunters" with this health bill? More health care = less dead people. Less dead = LESS GHOSTS. Nice job, Obama.

Someday we're gonna die and find out that God is actually CarrotTop and then we'll have to apologize for being SO MEAN. Sucks.

"Oprah Winfrey must defend ex-headmistress's suit." Even Oprah is in on this Tiger Wood's thing. Oops. Sorry. Wrong type of head mistress.

Watching 'The Incredible Hulk.' Liv Her lips say 'great BJ' but the overbite screams 'carrot peeler.' I'm on the fence.

Watching 'Fargo.' It's nice to know that even on those days you feel really really ugly, Steve Buscemi is there to make you feel like Fabio.

"Scientists discover 170 species of bacteria live in the avg person's digestive tract." This is half of Tara Reid's total on Sunday morning.

Kate Gosselin on People Magazine's 'Most Intriguing' list. I buy this only if "intriguing" means "bitchy with giant vagina."

News: "Men envy Tom Brady for his hair more than for his wife,Gisele." In related news, most surveys answered by bald gay men.


If you're linked to me on Facebook, you may have seen these as well.

If you want to find me in either place, click here.

Twitter at: or you can just click this button:

Find me at Facebook by clicking here:

You've been warned.



MrsBlogAlot said...

OMG! You kill me...

Are you insured?

...water is wet

MrsBlogAlot said...

Btw, that laugh was really needed today.
You never fail (-:

Anonymous said...

Always a pleasure to stop by and get my daily dose

btw still trying to find an ointment for that

MommaKiss said...

sadly, it hurt to read some of those again. especially about kate's vag.

Elly Lou said...

Welcome to lazy. Hurts so good, don't it?

Brutalism said...

Floppy labia = bad tango. Words to live by.

Kernut said...

Thanks for the laugh! I wish I could tweet funny all the time... I'm lucky to get out one or two funny tweets a month...

tyler_faye said...

i think i might have just peed a little...THANKS.

Jen said...

The Fargo one had me in tears!

SurferWife said...

The Ricky Martin was the best one. Hands Down.

The mad woman behind the blog said...

You are my hero!

Unknown said...

OMG - too funny. You've gained a Twitter follower!!

steff said...

i'm sorry i didn't start following you on twitter sooner. that shit is hilarious!
that being said...
i have to wholly disagree with you on one point:
Crispian Glover is totally hot.
i'm not joking in the slightest.
i would make sweet sweet love with his big 'ol nose & super pointy chin.
THAT'S how sexy he is to me.
and i'm totally ok with the fact that i may be the only one who feels this way.
more chin sex for me, bitches!!!

mepsipax said...

See this is why I should read my tweets....but I won't. I refuse to be tied down to some machine....oh wait my phone is ringing... bbl

Tami G said...

I already follow you on twitter!
LMAO EVERY day!!!!
you and my BF should hang out
you would play well off of each other with your smart asses!

wait a minute......

that was not a REAL invitation.... I could NOT handle you BOTH


Joann Mannix said...

Oh my Gawd! We have the same mom! Did she tell you about the saggy cervix = too jerky robot?

I don't Twitter because I can't. I just can't add one more world of "pretend friends" as my family calls my Internet gang to my list.

But, I'll be friend requesting you on FB. It's been a snoozefest over there lately.

The Demigoddess said...

I'm already following you on Twitter. My favorite tweet from you is: "I'm so sad that I have to use Viagra to poke my wife on Facebook"...or something like that.

meleah rebeccah said...

I love ALL of your tweets and facebook status updates.

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