Some of you may remember that from time to time I do giveaways from the Hard Rock Cafe in Seminole, Florida even though I live in New Hampshire.
I have no idea why.
My last giveaway was to promote a Bob Saget appearance and the ONLY reason I agreed to do it is because of the awesome back-and-forth I had with Ben, the rep from Hard Rock who will probably end up being my gay soulmate if I ever actually 'go gay.'
Get ready, Ben.
One day out of the blue I get this email from Ben:
Since I'm a relatively nice guy unless I really don't like you or it's a weekday or weekend, I said 'sure' and answered Ben's questions.
Here is what I sent him:
Moooooog35 (actual name withheld due to restrictions stated in Jessica Alba's 'restraining order' - such a bitch sometimes, seriously)
Old enough to be your father and probably am. Also: I love you, son.
Questionnaire Answerer, obviously.
Watching porn, masturbating, masturbating while watching porn, obsessively cleaning hands
only if you buy me dinner first. *wink*. Actually a hamster. Seriously. But you only get to see him if you buy me dinner first *wink again, but this time with sultry hand-on-hip positioning*
I once won the coveted title of "World's Greatest Perpetual Liar." True story.
How did you start blogging? With a computer hooked to the Internet. Honestly, Ben, these questions are kind of stupid.
What made you want to start a blog?
The promise of fame and fortune and the hope that, one day, I'll have my survey questions discussed in a presentation. WIN.
What about blogging do you enjoy? What keeps you doing it? What do you hateabout it?
I like making people laugh and then tell me that I'm awesome - especially women because I enjoy vaginas a lot. Like, a lot. Maybe too much. brb...hand washing time.
Okay. I'm back.
The part I hate about blogging is not making money at it yet. My therapy doesn't pay for itself, yo.
How can marketers better communicate with you?
Oooh. Telepathy would be cool. Either that, or by something like a bat-signal nut it would have to be in the northern sky because my apartment only has two windows. I have mold.
What other than money can they offer you that would make you want to post?
Fame and maybe something to have Jessica's restraining order pulled. This full-size paper mache' likeness is getting wrinkled in the back of my Kia.
When a marketer or promoter reaches out to you what can they do to make you more agreeable to posting their content?
Give me something I WANT to talk about or promote. Like my own pilot on Fox. Or a live viewing of Carrot Top's execution. I'd be happy with either, really.
The following Monday, I got this:
Way to go, Ben. Way to go.
But no need to thank me. It's a father's job.
I'm proud of you. Even if you do work for Hard Rock Cafe.