Movin' on Up. | Mental Poo

Monday, June 06, 2011

Movin' on Up.

This week I will become a homeowner for the second time.

I'm excited, as you can tell, because nothing says 'WOO' like spending twice what your current rent is and getting a house where NOTHING is done for you like mowing the lawn or fixing crap that's broken or stealing your neighbor's wireless Internet access.

Actually I'm VERY excited but in order to vacate my apartment, I had to give them a 30-day lease termination notice.

Enjoy.



So that's that. I'm outta here and into a house that has NOTHING IN IT THAT IS FUCKING PINK.

Wish me luck.

Moog out.

*********************
Click any of these links to actually read some of my 'apartment adventures:'

Pickles Need Room to Run, Too.

The Attack of Gobblezilla.

Hamster Pink is the New Hamster Black.

I'd Like to Read All About it but There's NOTHING TO READ!

35 comments:

C... said...

Holy crap. You make my condo living experience look like heaven next to your dilapidated sitcom of a living situation. LOL. Good luck being a homeowner. Maybe you won't have crazy neighbors.

Alli said...

Congrats on the house! I hope someone gives your kids some sidewalk chalk as a housewarming gift so they can share what they've learned with your new neighbors!

Ed said...

Congrats.

Permanent address means hookers will no longer request payment up front.

Or so I hear.

Mike said...

Everybody has had that type of apartment. At least you weren't the only white guy in an all black community.

That was interesting.

Vinny C said...

Congrats! I think your newspaper vortex opens here. I can't seem to throw those things away fast enough. Funny enough, the vortex also converts them to the local papers here.

Weird...

Stacie's Madness said...

CONGRATULATIONS.
When my divorce was final, I went straight to my own house...first time home buyer on my own as well...and I am thankful everyday for it. I am now approaching my second year there...and it's be fun...for realz. I need to find a handy man, but it's been really fun. :D

Trucking Tumbleweed said...

Yeah, Woodstock rules.

I hope your new house is at least haunted. You know, for your creative muse's sake.

SarcasmInAction said...

HAhAHA! quick, quit your job so I can see what that letter would look like.
but really, congrats on your new home! Enjoy all the yard work.....

Opto-Mom said...

Congrats!!!

I guess your children will just have to learn to draw penises from you now. {sigh} The life of a busy parent!

HeathRobots said...

I am bummed that I already sent in my written account cancellation request to the bank. It would have been much more inspired if I had read this first. Oh well.

Here's hoping Raspy McThroatcancer lives to see your housewarming party. You will be inviting the great cast of characters from your apartment complex, I am assuming.

Brutalism said...

...repressing.urge.to.send.jar.of. pickles.as.housewarming.gift....

Becky..AMHW said...

You know why I considered making my neighbor's motorcycle come up missing in my first apartment? BECAUSE THAT DOUCHE STARTED IT SEVERAL TIMES A DAY AT ALL HOURS, UNDER MY BEDROOM WINDOW, JUST TO SEE IF THAT PIECE OF JUNK WOULD START UP!

Oh, and there was the time we pumped a shotgun to scare off teenagers. Awesome.

Eva Gallant said...

Well done! Did you ever find out what the thing with the antenna was?

Chunky Mama said...

Awesome.
Very well done. :)

Jeff Cagney said...

I love that, on their forrent.com page, Westgate Arms has a picture of the highway in their slideshow. So scenic...

Handflapper said...

Congrats on the house. Hope it is all your apartment wasn't and more.

PS Could you get me tighty whitey underpants guy's number? He's sounds perfect for my mother-in-law.

If I Were God... said...

But who will you complain to now when something goes wrong? Every stopped up toilet and leak in the roof is now on your head. (so buy shampoo, first thing. There's about to be a lot of nasty water falling on you!)

tyler_fraser said...

hahahaha good luck guy

Ann said...

WHAT are tidy whities?

Good luck on new home.

Elly Lou said...

Congrats! I'm elbow deep in the same shit. Well, similar shit. Really, when you're elbow deep in shit, do you stop to analyze it's components and compare them to other shit you've been elbow deep in before? Does yours smell like onions?

Mrsblogalot said...

Good Luck!!! And good riddance to ants in winter!

Moooooog35 said...

Thank you, everyone.

I forgot about the pickles. DAMMIT.

3 days and I close.

10 days and I move.

11 days I realize how deeply in debt I actually am now.

This was stupid.

Angela@BeggingTheAnswer said...

Dang, I wish I had the balls to write such a letter. Seeing as I'm a gal, I've got my work cut out for me on that whole balls thing...

Suzy said...

At least you can blog about it. I can't even talk about the real details of me leaving my apt because my docs were sealed by the court and I'm assured a "neutral" recommendation. So I have to be semi nice.

It's like being semi-sweet, another thing I have a hard time with.

The Empress said...

Oh, I've got a tear in my eye.

Your little girl's Xmas wish came true.

So very wonderful.

Knight said...

God. You are such a f&$*ing baby.

TIDY whities? Like he keeps them extra clean? How unusual.

Kris said...

Best lease termination letter EVER.

Ever.

Congratulations on the house!

Me

meleah rebeccah said...

Crying, laughing! Best letter ever. And, I'm so happy your finally moving out of that shit hole!

Rahul said...

Turkeys always get a bad rap.

SharonCville said...

I wish I'd written a similar letter when I moved out of my "luxury" apartment in the last city I lived in. The apartment itself wasn't bad, but the management team was composed entirely of idiots. After arguing with them once over a very stupid $15 add-on fee, I finally paid it... in pennies. Filled most of a half gallon plastic milk jug. And, as I told the idiot manager, if I'd REALLY been feeling as bitchy as she accused me of being, I would have filled the jug with water and frozen it first. Your letter is better.

Pat said...

Congrats on moving up in this world. I can only wait to hear about your NEW neighbors!

prin said...

I, too, was confused by the "tidiness" of his whiteyness, but the comments here cleared it up for me (i.e. they are, and forever will be, tighty).

DOG3OY said...

so your having the secret second door installed in your new home, this is a feature i envy and will look to replicate in every home i will live in.

jack mehoff said...

i too am drawn to the details in the underwear....

"oh the clothes are dirty yes they are ma'am - filthy fuckin dirty....like an asshole! that shit wasnt even done, my underwears every fuckin thing - shit stains just as i gave it to ya"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uw9wCTGO3oM

Minka said...

First of all, congrats. Second of all, now you can turn your cruel but unerring powers of observation on your new, more permanent neighbors. Ah, suburbia. (Is it suburbia? Whatever. I don't really care, as long as you make it entertaining. Which you will.) Just think -- you'll be stuck, most likely, with whatever fuckers live nearest you. And the old ladies and the deaf dude and the scary bugs... one day might seem like a dream, a fantasy. Home ownership can be a huge drag, but that's life. You think you're getting something bigger and better, and you find out... it's just more fucking work.

Can't wait to hear the adventures. Maybe you should ask the throat cancer lady for some interior decorator recommendations. Or you can become like some of those other daddy bloggers and post photos as you renovate and redecorate. (Barf. Pussies. Seriously.)

Keep us posted. I know you will and am relying upon your reportage from the front lines.

Ps -- as I've only been in my own new home for about a year, I can say that after about six months, that's when you start noticing all the shit that will drive you nuts, prompting you to say "how come I didn't notice that before I bought it? why didn't I think that would be a problem??" FUCK.

Good luck!

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