Today I present to you some of my very own Tweets that I've subjected my 12 followers to.
There's a skew on this one, though:
These Tweets are all about things my kids say or do.
Daughter: "Is 'Fockers' a bad word?' Me: "No, honey. It's just a name in the movie." Daughter: "Oh. I'm thinking of F-U-C-K."
Son: "Daddy. I just saw an ant. We should probably call a terminator." Me: "I think that may be a little overkill."
Daughter keeps calling me in the bathroom to show me bubbles she's making by blowing through her boobs. And then I killed myself.
My favorite part of church today was when my son started clapping after the first song. We don't go much.
Daughter opening bathroom door: "DID YOU HEAR THOSE BURPS?!" Me: "Um. No." Daughter: "Awwwww." Yep. My little princess.
Just watched my son stand up to wipe his butt. Pretty sure this explains WHY I HAVE ANTS IN MY BATHROOM.
Son: "I've decided to replace some of my silly style with cool." Me: "Um. Good morning?"
At church: Son: "What are we singing?" Me: "I have no idea." Son: "Oh. Okay. I'm just gonna lip-synch it, then."
You know your kids play too much iPod when they think our action against Libya should include launching birds at their pigs.
Son: "Trying to say something clearly when you're burping is like trying to find the perfect wave." MOVE OVER, SOCRATES!
Let's go ahead and add 'put down the chopsticks and go to bed' to the list of things I never thought I'd say until I became a dad
Called my 7-yr old son this morning. Me: "What are you doing at school today?" Son: "Hold on..let me check my agenda." Love that boy.
Son: "You know what would be cool?" Me: "What would be cool?" Son: "If they made bras for men." Me: *blank stare*
Got in a fight with my daughter because she wouldn't stop talking in a British accent. Please tell me other people go through this shit.
My son is making up words to the Charlie Brown song. So far he has, "Abraham Lincoln knows how to fly..." That kid is GENIUS.
Playing charades with my kids. My son has guessed: Yeti, Dead Yeti, UFO, Dead UFO and Cheese. I was a banana. I love charades.
Me: "Do you know what P.O.V means?" Daughter: "Point of view." Son: "No. It means 'Private Opening.'" And then I died laughing.
Son: "Hail Mary, full of grace..forgive us our trespasses..and..um..forgive me, too, because I forget the rest of this song."
My son is behind me right now saying "Body parts, body parts..blood." I don't know why, and I'm not turning around to find out.
My 10 year old just asked me to check if her bra straps were tangled. And then I killed myself.
If you're linked to me on Facebook, you may have seen these as well.
If you want to find me in either place, click here.
Twitter at: http://twitter.com/moooooog35 or you can just click this button:
Find me at Facebook by clicking here:
You've been warned.