Shit.
I've become one of THOSE people.
I know you're thinking 'underwear model,' but that's not what I mean.
(Hanes...call me)
No..this Halloween I became one of those people...
...who DRESSES UP THEIR DOG.
* blink
You know, for Halloween.
The other times I dress her up are strictly for sexual purposes.
Perhaps I've said too much.
We planned on taking our new dog, Sophie, out with us for Halloween.
My daughter Payton BEGGED me incessantly to buy her an outfit.
Payton: "Hey Dad, can we buy her a Halloween costume?"
Me: "Okay."
Maybe 'begged' is too strong a term.
We tried a few things on her.
Count Soph-ula:
Sophie Montana:
Wonder Sophie:
My wife, upon seeing these photos looked at me and said:
Wife: "I guess I know what you do when I'm out of the house, now."
Honey, you have NO idea.
Regardless, we ended up settling on a little outfit with a tutu that said:
"So Cute, It's SCARY!"
On a related note:
I may be gay.
So, some random notes about Halloween this year:
The Kids
My kids went as a Vampiress and a Ninja.
My daughter, Payton, got tons of great comments about her Vampire costume.
My son, Cam, instead got shit like this:
"Oooh..a Jedi!"
"What are you...a sous chef?"
"Wow...Darth Vader!"
Really?
Darth Vader?
Idiots.
When someone looked at him and said, "Cool Ninja," my son yelled out:
"FINALLY! Someone gets me!"
And now I'm jealous.
No one ever gets me.
The Pencil Lady
Every year the kids stop at one house where the lady just apparently doesn't get it.
Last year, she handed out pencils.
Pencils.
Listen, lady, if I wanted to spend forty bucks on costumes so my kids could get office supplies, I'd take them to fucking Staples.
Bitch.
So this year, as the kids were heading up to the door we reminded them to say 'thank you' no matter what they got...
..even if it was a stupid fucking pencil.
Seriously, lady.
The fuck you thinking?
So, the kids go up, she pops out and drops something in their bag.
My son, still standing at the top step with the woman still in the door, turns around and yells to us in the street:
"HEY! WE DIDN'T GET A PENCIL THIS YEAR!"
Um.
Great.
Not too embarrassing, Cam.
No..no pencil this year.
They got a plastic centipede instead.
Lady, you suck at this shit.
Just do us all a favor and shut your lights off next year.
The Chinese Kid
My wife and I, and a couple of our friends are standing on the street as the kids go up to another house.
An Asian family comes up, and their son runs to the door as they stand right next to us.
My son recognizes the boy and says 'hi' to him as they pass each other.
As Cam is walking towards us, he yells:
"Hey mom! You know that Chinese kid I told you about..?!"
* cricket
Our friends look up, stifling a laugh, and immediately flee the area.
Awesome.
Another Halloween done...
...and all we got was plastic bugs, beastiality references and embarrassing racism.
Can't wait til next year.
37 comments:
Lovin' the MoooooogPup and Mooooooglet pictures! I would've guessed Ninja straight away, but then I work with kids... costume recognition was on the exam required for NYS teacher certification.
Truly disturbing. I'm pretty sure there are laws against dressing your pooch in bra and panties. If there aren't, there should be.
My son once announced his scrotum hurt during the family Thanksgiving dinner. What was really funny is when my mother asked, "What's a scrotum?"
My favorite pet pic: "I will kill him in his sleep."
That's bad? Hell, aside from the plastic bug, where's the problem? Halloween laced with racism and beastiality (Google spell check tells me that I'm misspelling "beastiality" Don't fuck with me!)is like chocolate and nipples for Christ's sake!
Hahahaha I love your posts! But I wonder, how did you come up to google 'bad halloween'. The picture is indeed valid!
Love the outfits of your kids! And yes he was definitly a ninja! Where the people blind?
Dude. The ninja thing was wicked. I don't think I'd pull that look off very well. Something about being a fat ninja, well, it really defeats the purpose.
Those kids are amazingly cute. Obviously they take after their mama.
CatLady: Mooooooglets sounds dirty.
Like, "I got Mooooooglets all over her face."
Maybe that's just me.
MJ: Prude.
Me-Me: Maybe your mom was just used to calling them, 'Globes of fun.'
No?
Ed: Good point. You'd think the whole thing over his mouth would deter him but NOOOOOOOO.
Don: No matter how much you agree with me, I'm still not sending you the negatives of the dog pictures.
Adrienz: I think all of the morons can be traced to the high levels of bacteria in the drinking water from me throwing dog shit in my river.
TJ: You can't imagine the crap I Google. My IT department, on the other hand, is keeping a large file on it.
Alexa: I feel shame now.
No different than usual, really.
Travis: Fat Ninjas have the extra stealth ability of making people go, '..the fuck..?'
Peach: You cut me deep right then, Peach.
Cut me deep.
Ninjas are bad ass. If people can't tell he's a ninja he should have kicked their asses ninja style. They wouldn't even know what hit them.
You've got cute kids. And your dog is hot. :)
The kids pics rock and, well, the doggie fashion show is sublime, but the pencil lady takes the cake.
And here I thought the dental hygienist next door giving out toothbrushes and dental floss was bad. Pretty much killed Halloween on our street.
Great, now I have to tell my husband he's right. I was just telling him the other day, men don't get camel toe. Your Elvis proves me wrong.
Heh, I'd rather get a pencil than a toothbrush!
Your kids look adorable!
Moooooog... I love when you talk dirty like that!
Wow. I didnt know that people still used pencils.
Thought they were extinct like the dinosaurs... or "Rave" hair spray.
GOTTA LOVE THE KIDS...
a lady handed out a tube of toothpaste.
no lie.
My daughter (old enough to know better) yells to me...MOM I got toothpaste, isn't that WEIRD?
*sigh*
So the first picture of the pup with dildo in mouth...was he trying to be a weiner dog??
LOLOL
and that bad Elvis...I need to rinse my eyes out now.
you really need to invest in some duct tape...you know, for their mouths.
Works.
I've heard.
Kellie: I was trying to get him to cartwheel across the steps and steal candy on the go. He wouldn't go for it. Drives me nuts when they don't listen.
Buzzard: I'd take the toothpaste. Although, it's hard running a tube of toothpaste along someone's car trying to scratch it...pencils work much better for that.
Tater: I'd rather get a toothbrush than a pencil.
When you brush your teeth with a pencil, you just get black crap all over your teeth.
CatLady: Well..there's ONE person. Thanks.
Matt: DINOSAURS ARE EXTINCT?!?!
Stacie: Where the f do you people live where there's all this goddamn extra toothpaste?!
Swirl Girl: It's amazing the pictures you find on the Internet if you know where to look.
My site just happens to be one of those places.
You're welcome.
JenJen: ..and that knocking on your door is child protective services. I've heard.
I am now getting looks from my cubical neighbors for laughing out loud. Thanks for that. I can't wait for my kids to be old enough to embarass the shit out of me like that. Of course, by then they'll know that if they embarass me, I'll find ways to make their lives hell with their friends. Insert evil laughter here.
-Joshua
Moog~
Didn't I select anonymous? Shit.
It was a rumor.
About the duct tape.
Promise....
Cam's a hottie.
What?
Out of the mouths of babes.....
Can you tell your dog to stay the hell out of my nightstand? Thanks.
Dressing up your dog?
Who are you?
Who can't tell a Ninja from Darth Vadar? Morons! And Sophie Cyrus. Funny! Sorry about the plastic centipede. A pencil would've been better. At least they're useful.
I'm a little disturbed by the dog wearing lingerie. A lady that I know used to hand out band-aids at Trick or Treat. She thought she was awesome for doing it, too.
My kid had the Swine Flu, so I told him to dress in a surgical mask and give out candy cause he could not go out.
My grandkids have a dental hygienist living in their 'hood who gives out toothbrushes every year.
When I was a kid we had a couple that used to pass out those little tubes of toothpaste and miniture toothbrushes! We fucking hated those assholes, wonder if they're dead yet, or if kids in my old neighborhood are still plotting their deaths? Great post!
Why am I not surprised by any of this? Although the plastic centipede thing is a little bizarre, even for your neighborhood, Moog.
Joshua: If you ever want to clear away those cubicle neighbors, just randomly say shit like, 'Forgive me father, I know not what I do' and then GRUNT REALLY LOUD.
They'll move after, like, the 15th time.
JenJen: We're on to you.
What's funny is that line is written about you in the men's room, too.
'JenJen: We're on to her - signed, the football team'
Lilu: I know. If I can keep him from being gay, he's gonna crush the competition when he gets older.
bikramyogachick: THERE WERE BABES?!?!
L: Isn't that a little small for you?
Leigh: You know...even I don't know any more.
MikeWJ: Plastic centipedes are useful if you get into the office early and no one sees you sneaking into the ladies' room.
Perhaps I've said too much.
Kys: Band-aids? The fuck? She should just keep them for the beating I would have handed her. Unreal.
Malach: What? No pig mask AND surgical mask? Half. Assed.
Coffee: '...and that's the house that gets vandalized..'
Brndoutw8ress: MORE TOOTHPASTE?! Seriously...don't these neighborhoods have Walgreens?
Knucklehead: Nothing surprises me any more. Well..the finger in the butt thing once in a while does. I need a warning for that.
Moog, you have an award at my blog today!
shit. i can't read your blog anymore. everytime i do, my weak bladder fails me. i hear kegals can help that condition...i'll let you know.
Wow, that poor dog! Seriously, the look of horror and disgust on your dogs face, was as if she was saying, "Moooog, put down the peanut butter! Put it down and walk away...just walk away."
Fuck you! I told you that in confidence!
Buzzard: Thank you! I shall be over there post haste! Right after I Google 'post haste.'
Noelle: Kegals cure ANY condition.
Except premature ejaculation. I hear they kind of exacerbate that one.
Justjp: She loves it and she knows it.
JenJen: You sound dainty.
BirdShit: Pennies? That's why god invented keys so you can scratch the shit out of their car.
At least that's why I THINK he invented keys.
"Bad Halloween" indeed. Yowza.
Fortunately, your tales of racism, bestiality, and horrible giveaways were making me laugh so hard that the tears blurred my vision enough that I could not see Elvis's scrotum quite so clearly.
You're a giver.
The Mooooooglets are awesome:)
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