Meetings bug me.
In this case, though...
I mean it LITERALLY.
Today I was in a meeting filled with 20 people.
I fucking HATE meetings.
Regardless, I sat in the corner of the room near the window, next to my friend Kristin.
As I was sitting down, I noticed her.
No, not Kristin.
I notice Kristin every morning and, since we sit in the same cube, tend to look her up and down longingly while biting my lower lip mouthing stuff like 'oh, yeah' and fake twiddle her hair while her back is turned to me.
I have issues.
No...it wasn't Kristin I noticed near the window.
There, on the window sill...
However, this was a business meeting after all.
Hot topics of discussion.
No time to play with a ladybug.
So what did I do?
I did what anyone would do:
I immediately picked up the ladybug and named it "Lucy" for some fucking reason and then proceeded to pat it and pretend to tickle it as it walked all over my hands while Kristin laughed with her hand over her mouth and I whispered shit like, 'she's a goood girl...yes she iiiis...' and there was Dan with the missing tooth sitting on the other side of me all like, 'THE FUCK?!' and by the time the meeting was over I learned absolutely nothing and may or may not have answered a question about a network protocol by randomly yelling out 'I LIKE BLUE!'
That's me in meetings.
And I wonder why I have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing here.
For those of you wondering, I released Lucy back into the wild after the meeting where she was probably immediately eaten by a spider or died in the 30-degree weather.
It's just like they say:
"If you love something, set it free.
But sometimes it gets eaten by spiders or dies in the cold and maybe it would still be alive if we could just stop having these stupid fucking meetings."
Maybe I should have just left her alone.
I needed a way...somehow...to express my angst about this whole ordeal.
THE VIDEO TRIBUTE TO LUCY
(yeah..that's me singing):
In many more ways than one, obviously.