Merry Christmas...Now, Let Me Tell You about my Penis | Mental Poo

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry Christmas...Now, Let Me Tell You about my Penis

Before I start today, let me just say that I'll be off for the Christmas break until early next week. all of you out there, have a great Christmas, or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa or - for you atheists - just a nice long weekend while you stew in your own anger and resentment while I sing Christmas carols as loud as I fucking can IN YO FACE BITCH.

Enjoy, everyone.

First, let me make sure I answer a couple more of my Q&A questions from my readers:

Mike from Too Many Mornings asks via email:

Dear Moooooog,

Like many of your faithful and perverse readers, I would like to know if your oft-mentioned penis is proportionately sized to your height, or if it drags the ground when you walk around naked, which I assume you do at least some of the time, if not at work, then perhaps at home or the grocery store.

Thank you for your consideration,


Mike...please hold (that's what she said).

Because right after I got that question, I got another one.

This one is from Claire Montgomery, MD. Claire asks:

what do you want for christmas?


* sigh.


For Christmas, I would like a bigger penis.


I believe that also answers your question.

I cry sometimes.


Following the one big question that came from my HATE MAIL post from Monday...

"What the Hell does he mean by 'serial shitter?'..."

I give to you the Urban Dictionary Definition of 'Serial Shitter':

Serial Shitter:

Someone who is constantly shitting, talking about going to take a shit, or talking about the shit they took.

John the serial shitter just headed off to the bathroom to take his third shit of the day.

I know this because for some fucking reason he won't stop telling me about his other ones.

I know one had no breakage and possibly set a length record, and the other had orange specks in it.


The more you know.

And now, in the true spirit of the season...

Something really, really mean.

Merry Christmas.


You've seen this before.

But it's Christmas and an oldie but goodie.



One of mine.


See you all next week.

And here's to getting what you wish for...even if it's a bigger penis.

Moog out.


carissajaded said...

May all of your dreams of getting a bigger penis for Christmas come true. Merry Christmas!

JenJen said...

Moog are you poopin?

Here's to big dicks!

Unknown said...

I hope you get your Christmas wish. Happy Festivus, too!

Yankee Girl said...

Poop stories are awesome. I especially like it when people go into a ton of details like size and smell.

Ed said...


Awww, fuck.

Fourth commenter is like the guy who films the menage a trois.

Anyway, enjoy your break and Merry Christmas.

P.S. Sorry about your tiny penis.

BigSis said...

Think Santa can put a big penis in the stocking?

The Peach Tart said...

Merry Christmas Moog. Enjoy your time off with your family and friends.

Travis said...

I think you answered that informatively, yet tastefully.

The fuck is wrong with you?

Merry Christmas, ya ol bastard.

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious!

Happy Holidays!

Vic said...

Merry Christmas, Moog. I'm sure you're just being modest.

Moooooog35 said...

Carissa: Same to you. Big penis wish and all.

JenJen: What the...?

Eva: Imagine my surprise at checking out my package!

Mike: I'm just a giant dick to YOU.

Well..and everyone else.

I forget where I was going with that.

Yankee: What's wrong with you women?

Ed: You say that like filming a menage a trois is a bad thing. Remember, two GUYS and a girl is also considered a menage a trois..and no one needs that kind of pressure.

BigSis: I guess that's a question for Mrs. Claus.

CatLady: I KNOW. Especially since I'm already a dickhead.

Tami: Never before has the word 'dick' been used so much in a Christmas greeting.

Congrats on your achievement!

Peach: F..f...friends..?

Travis: Back at ya you crazy hick shit.

Christie: Thank you. And same to you.

Wow. That wasn't funny AT. ALL.


Cooking: Yeah, I know. I saw that under 'SS' which, to me, means those German soldiers people.

I had no idea they shit all over toilets.

The more you know.

Lbluca: Weird that we have the same thing on our list, huh?

Vic: Yeah. That's it. I'm being modest.

* whistles

Merry Christmas everyone!

iasa said...

that's what i want ofr christmas too. a big dick. attached to a man of course, not like one in a box all lonely n shit. that would be weird.

Coffeypot said...

Mooooog, Merry Christmas to you and yours. And I hope you get your Christmas Penis...when you come back you name will be changed to TriPod.

rachaelgking said...


I thought you were saying you wanted CLAIRE for Christmas.

And I was all,

DUH. Don't we all?

Vodka Logic said...

Good luck with the Christmas wish..

And hope you have a good poop too.

Merry Christmas

MommaKiss said...

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Are you having a birthday cake for the sweet baby jesus?

Top that shit!
(i'll do just about anything for cake)

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

It sort of answers my question. Here's the problem: Even a man with a 14-inch penis wants a bigger penis (trust me, I know), so your answer's not indicative (pun intended) of anything except that you're actually a man, which I'd assumed anyway because of your usual subject matter (poop, penises, pussies and a lot of other "p" words). Still, I wish you a Merry Christmas, and I hope you get a new tool in your fishnet stocking that was well-hung by the fireplace with glee.

brookeamanda said...

Oh my God, I think I may be a serial shitter. Damn it!

Donnie said...

I hope you get laid for Christmas, and I don't care by whom. Have a good long one...weekend! Merry Christmas and shit too!

MrsBlogAlot said...

Sing 'em loud sing 'em proud!

Enjoy the break!

Ducky said...

I had this awesome kick ass "She is so fucking cool" comment and then I got to the pic...and I lost it all because

I think

I know...I totally have the same slippers she's wearing....

Jason said...

I really like your blog. I am a first-time visitor, but I observe every site I submit a comment to. I have a humor blog myself, which I hope to be a top place for people to come and laugh. Life is hard enough and you sometimes need to just sit back and laugh a little.

I'd like to exchange links with you to help spread traffic around to each. Keep up the good work. You can contact me by simply placing a comment on my site.

Happy Holidays!


Moooooog35 said...

iasa: I have to tell you, though..every man wants their dick in a box.

Just sayin'.

Coffey: Tri-ROD.

More appropriate.

Lilu: I thought that went without saying.

Vodka: I always have a good poop. I'm not sure what that has to do with Christmas, though. Maybe I'll eat some glitter.

Momma: You'll to just about anything for cake?

I'm totally writing that on the men's room wall It's already there.

MikeWJ: You get what you get and you don't get upset.

Merry Christmas.

Cora: Together, we could be superheroes!

Not really...we'd just be really hot.

brookeamanda: GIRLS DON'T POO!!

Don: That makes two of us.

Do you happen to know Mrs. Claus' number? I hear she'll be alone ALL night.

Mrsblogalot: If by 'sing' you mean 'don't sing', I got it covered.

Daffy: ..and none of us were at all surprised...

Dual Mom: I don't want it tattooed.

That just ruins the whole flow of the thing.

Plus what if I change my name to, like, "Thor" or some shit.

Then I have to throw it out.

Wow. That got really weird right there.

Jason: I'll swing by, but these headlines had better be hilarious. I make no bones that my poo is, indeed, it's all about truth in advertising.

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays all!

Corrie Howe said...

Just wanted to let you know that I liked your caption for the SoccerMom picture.

alexa @clevelandsaplum said...

i have a friend that would completely die if she ever met a serial shitter..

also, have a nice break, i will also be breaking it the next few days. ie getting bombed

Malach the Merciless said...

I want some new Christmas shoes for Mama

Unknown said...

I laughed so hard on your post regarding the fart, I have tears rolling down my ass. I am also a rectal ventriloquist and we are so misunderstood. Thanks for an awesome post I think I will lurk yah!

Chris said...

Merry Christmas, Moog. May Santa leave you a nice, impressive north pole in your stocking.

meleah rebeccah said...

Merry Christmas! Here's hoping you get EVERYTHING you ever wanted.

ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

hope santa brought you (and your wife - it was on her list too) a bigger penis. merry christmas!

adrienzgirl said...

I hope you had a Merry Christmas and got what you asked for! :D

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