Before I start today, let me just say that I'll be off for the Christmas break until early next week.
So...to all of you out there, have a great Christmas, or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa or - for you atheists - just a nice long weekend while you stew in your own anger and resentment while I sing Christmas carols as loud as I fucking can IN YO FACE BITCH.
First, let me make sure I answer a couple more of my Q&A questions from my readers:
Mike from Too Many Mornings asks via email:
Like many of your faithful and perverse readers, I would like to know if your oft-mentioned penis is proportionately sized to your height, or if it drags the ground when you walk around naked, which I assume you do at least some of the time, if not at work, then perhaps at home or the grocery store.
Thank you for your consideration,
Mike...please hold (that's what she said).
Because right after I got that question, I got another one.
This one is from Claire Montgomery, MD. Claire asks:
what do you want for christmas?
For Christmas, I would like a bigger penis.
I believe that also answers your question.
I cry sometimes.
Following the one big question that came from my HATE MAIL post from Monday...
"What the Hell does he mean by 'serial shitter?'..."
I give to you the Urban Dictionary Definition of 'Serial Shitter':
Someone who is constantly shitting, talking about going to take a shit, or talking about the shit they took.
John the serial shitter just headed off to the bathroom to take his third shit of the day.
I know this because for some fucking reason he won't stop telling me about his other ones.
I know one had no breakage and possibly set a length record, and the other had orange specks in it.
The more you know.
And now, in the true spirit of the season...
Something really, really mean.
You've seen this before.
But it's Christmas and an oldie but goodie.
One of mine.
See you all next week.
And here's to getting what you wish for...even if it's a bigger penis.