Pain and Suffering.
The latest rage for asshole lazy bloggers is to self-promote themselves by reposting some of their own Twitter Tweets as blog posts.
I am now stooping to this level.
Actually, I'm 5'-2" tall.
No stooping required. Already there.
Below are some of my very own Tweets that I've subjected my 12 followers to.
Click here for Volume One, Volume Two and Volume Three.
There's a skew on this one, though:
In the beginning of March, I had a herniated disc which caused sciatica and then I couldn't bend my legs or even f'ing POOP for the Love of God without screaming (no different than usual - I eat big) and it was Hell.
Then I had surgery to remove the herniated disc and my doctor prescribed Vicodin.
Vicodin's Marketing Slogan:
Vicodin: Blue butterflies are pretty and my shoe is a yellow bliss potato! I'm so wasted.
These are my Tweets that were shot out of my brain while on Vicodin.
If you were the unfortunate recipient of these TO YOUR PHONE, please move along and again...
I'M SO, SO Sorry.
(check the timestamps on each Tweet)
JUST came home from my herniated disc surgery and boy is my L5 vertebrae tired! God, that was stupid. I blame the pain meds.
3:56 PM Mar 6th via web
Surgeon wrote a big 'R' on my ass cheek. He said it was for 'right' which should have bothered me since you learn that shit in kindergarten.
3:58 PM Mar 6th via web
I'm thinking that big 'R' written on my ass will help the general population remember my name instead of calling me 'bitch' all the time.
3:59 PM Mar 6th via web
I love pain meds but it's causing me to write Tweets uncontrollably. And by 'uncontrollably' I mean 'controlled but really really dumb.'
4:01 PM Mar 6th via web
Before these meds wear off I have to document the idea I had for an invention that lets people with sciatica to poo while hanging in the air
4:08 PM Mar 6th via web
Not..like..'death penalty' hanging...FYI. I think you pretty much poop when that happens automatically.
4:08 PM Mar 6th via web
Not sure how you wipe while dangling, though. Maybe this hanging poop contraption is just the drugs talking. HAHA. Kidding. IT'S GENIUS!
4:09 PM Mar 6th via web
The hospital I was in had ROOM SERVICE. That's right. Now you can get food that tastes like Oprah's taint after a marathon ON DEMAND.
4:19 PM Mar 6th via web
Doctor asked if I had any questions for him. I did. Sadly, he did not know the 'how much wood could a woodchuck chuck' answer, either.
4:39 PM Mar 6th via web
My Vicodin has worn off. My apologies for my last 267 Tweets. Oh..look. It's time for another dose. BUCKLE UP, PEOPLE!!
7:08 PM Mar 6th via web
You think they'd put hot sauce on a Hawaiian pizza so you get all the authenticity of a volcanic eruption on it's way out.
7:16 PM Mar 6th via web
My throat is killing me from that thing they shove down it during surgery. But you know, I never hear Jenna Jameson complain.
7:32 PM Mar 6th via web
Going to "Alice in Wonderland." I'm on painkillers so I predict MUCH TERROR...and not just from looking at Helena Bonham Carter.
7:55 AM Mar 7th via web
After surgery my doctor told me not to handle anything heavier than a gallon of milk. Great. NOW how am I supposed to masturbate?
9:29 AM Mar 7th
If you're linked to me on Facebook, you may have seen these as well.
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Twitter at: http://twitter.com/moooooog35 or you can just click this button:
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You've been warned.