Twix or Tweets - Teenage Gandhi Edition | Mental Poo

Friday, September 03, 2010

Twix or Tweets - Teenage Gandhi Edition


And the mystery of "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!" continues.

Let me explain.

The latest rage for asshole lazy bloggers is to self-promote themselves by reposting some of their own Twitter Tweets as blog posts.

I am now stooping to this level.

Actually, I'm 5'-2" tall.

No stooping required. Already there.

Sucks.

Below are some of my very own Tweets that I've subjected my 12 followers to.

Click here for Volume One, Volume Two and Volume Three.

HOWEVER..

You may or may not know that I also Tweet under the guise of this name:

Teenage Gandhi


No idea.

Anyway...Sit back...relax...

And enjoy some of Teenage Gandhi's tweets.

*************************

Sexting in India is so much different than in the US. Here it's like, "Oh babe, I'm totally going to hide your appearance."


Random historical fact about me: I can be linked to Kevin Bacon in just 3 steps.


OMG I would totally kill for a cheeseburger right now.


FYI: Never say "Become a global peace activist" when asked what you would do for a Klondike Bar. People hold you to that shit.


I've decided to take karate just in case this non-violence shit doesn't work out.


I like my women like my deity, Avalokiteshvara - all hands and lots of head.


I swear if one more person asks me for a Slushie, I'm going to kill someone.


Happy Cinco de Mayo!! Or, as we call it here in India, "Crippling poverty and despair with a side of WTF IS THAT SMELL Day!"


Just asked my mother where my baseball cap was. Said, "Where's my hat ma?" and then we laughed and laughed.


I just threw in "Jesus is my copilot" during the middle of a speech. Should have seen the look on everyone's face. Priceless.


I'm declaring today 'opposite day' so I think I'm going to preach guerrilla tactics and extreme violence while wearing heels.


The worst part about wearing this dohti is that you really have to keep on top of your manscaping.


Sorry, homeless guy, I do NOT have any change. Do you see pockets in this friggin thing? Jesus.


In my defense, a girl who says "I want hard candy" sounds just like "I want hard Gandhi" when you factor in the Indian dialect


I just became Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in Foursquare! Oh...the sweet, sweet irony.


I think all these people misunderstood me when I said, "All I want is piece."


I'm just going to go out on a limb and say it: I hate curry.


SO excited to go cow tipping tonight.


Not sure how this will all pan out, but if I end up on a slab being tortured like Braveheart, you bet your ass I'm singing like a canary.


I just hassled the Hoff.


I just called tech support for my laptop and my home phone rang.


Ugh. Being forced to change my password again. I'm starting to run out of ways to spell "C0ckRing"


I've had a lot more free time since I got the "Preaching Pacifism" app for my iPhone


I do not condone violence but will let it slide when you must fight for your right to party.


Looking for a woman named "Ladesh" so when I tell mom I'm going to "Bangladesh" I won't be lying.


As a Buddhist and activist, I am sworn to retain impartiality and preserve peace. But between you and me, I'm totally team Jacob.


You know it was a good night when you wake up with three Tibetan sherpas in your bed and no idea how they got there.


Great. Ketchup stain.


As a Buddhist, I'm supposed to achieve peace without indulging in earthly possessions. If that means giving up my XBox, I'm OUT.


I'm amazed my followers haven't figured out that all my sermons are really just Pearl Jam songs.


People ask why I have such a good sense of humor. I got married at 13. You either laugh about this shit or cry yourself to sleep



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You can follow Teenage Gandhi by clicking here.

If you want to find me (moooooog35) in Twitter or Facebook, click here.

Twitter at: http://twitter.com/moooooog35 or you can just click this button:




Find me at Facebook by clicking here:






You've been warned.

Tweet.

21 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

I really hate having to concede that under all that insanity there is a talent! Those are hilarious! the hat one took me a second, but in my defense, I just woke up a few minutes ago!

Christina_the_wench said...

I will follow you anywhere.

(Well, except that gas station restroom again. You can't make me.)

Opto-Mom said...

"I do not condone violence but will let it slide when you must fight for your right to party."
This was totally my fave! I think you've inspired me to actually start twattering, just so I can follow the Teenage Gandhi. I've put it off too long.

I also wouldn't mind following a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Sexxxxy!

brookeamanda said...

Sooo, I didn't catch the whole "Teenage Ghandi" part of this post until the end. I just kept thinking, "Damn this guy has a hard-on for Indian culture!" My bad. Anyway, these were hilarious and I'm going to have to break down and start Tweeting or Twittering (whatever the hell it's called) so I can follow you.

Daffy said...

Guess I can't claim anymore that your tweets are funnier than your posts...

You had me at lazy....

nonamedufus said...

Loved Teenage Gandhi calling tech support and his home phone rang. I think he called me the other day offering me a free cell phone. I'm following TG now.

Does your hamster tweet? Ha, ha, you know what I mean.

pattypunker said...

love a teenage ghandi who quotes the beastie boys.

and this was my second fave: As a Buddhist and activist, I am sworn to retain impartiality and preserve peace. But between you and me, I'm totally team Jacob.

Quirkyloon said...

Shoot me now. I'm going to follow Teenage Ghandi!

In honor of Apu from The Simpsons.

*snort*

The Invisible Seductress said...

BRILLIANT!!!!

I love teenage Ghandi!!

Is there a fan club I could be president of?..

SisterMerryHellish said...

Hilarious! If I ever break down and end up on Twitter I'll be following both of you. I know, try to control your excitement. ;)

Oh and, I have long believed Gandhi's fast was started when he announced he hated curry, which pretty much left him with no ohter options until the new Applebee's opened up. Damn construction delays.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

OMG.

first of all, i thought you were 5 foot 3.

now you are shrinking in addition to all of the other horrible things that are happening to you.

second of all, you really are, like,

YOU RETWEET YOURSELF RODNEY?

you RT teenage ghandi all the time and i'm like, man, he really likes that guy

OF COURSE YOU DO

BC IT IS YOU

*shakes her head and rolls her eyes* which btw is how i end nearly every interaction i have with you

The Vegetable Assassin said...

You are secretly a young Indian Adonis too? You sneaky fucker. :)

But wait.

I'm not talking to you. You promised TWIX in your title. I don't see any Twix. As a lady with PMS I demand an effing Twix immediately, fucker.

Miss Nikki said...

Do you think Teenage Gandhi would date Daughter Theresa?

smArtee said...

um...you can get away with it....all of yours are so funny...my fav was hard candy...because I have a great indian accent and youre right it sounds perfect...BwHahahahah...!

MommaKiss said...

ok, now that i'm done laughing at "speaking from the crib" - I'll take
"I want hard Gandhi" for $500 please, alex!

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Laugh my ass off on cow tipping. I swear, we did that in high school, fucked up my Karma really bad.

I all of a sudden want curry.

Patricia ~ The Naked Writer said...

i just pooped myself mentally over these ones
actually maybe physically too! damn not again!
add me as a friend on twitter i only have 12 also!
thenakedwriter

The Barreness said...

I just hassled the Hoff might be the most genius tweet in it's 140-character-fucking-irritating-du-to-being-mind-numbingly-addicting history.

Also, might I recommned a phonetic approach:

kok-reeng.

- B x

Ed said...

I call bullshit on the Teenage Gandhi secret identity.

That's too funny to be you.

Pat said...

I think my all time favorite is:"Looking for a woman named "Ladesh" so when I tell mom I'm going to "Bangladesh" I won't be lying."

Priceless!

meleah rebeccah said...

Im laughing so hard I think I just damaged my rib cage. And of course now I am following Teenage Gandhi on twitter!

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