Scar Wars - Episode V: The Scalpel Strikes Back | Mental Poo

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Scar Wars - Episode V: The Scalpel Strikes Back

When we last left off, I was in the middle of describing my approximately 4,000 deformations caused from surgeries and brittleness and just generally being old as fuck.

Let's continue.

The Scars:

7) This little ditty was from my herniated disc surgery that I needed because it ruptured causing sciatica SO BAD that I had no choice but to write a post that included stick pictures of me trying to go poop.

You're welcome.

8) This scar is BY FAR my favorite and the direct result from surgery needed after tearing my bicep while curling the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

I wish.

This is the scar I am most proud of because it's huge and ginormous and basically gave me enough fodder for these blog posts:

- My MRI pictures resemble..well...just read it. It's messed up. Duh.

- You might want to sit down for this.

- Some creative tattoo ideas I came up with to cover my 8-inch long scar.

Also? It's wicked gross looking. So there's that.

9) This little 1/4" scar came from sitting down in my friend's chair at his house when one of those little hobby-type X-Acto knives came shooting down, stabbing me right in the fat of my thumb.

Shit like that happens to me all the time. It's why I can't have nice things.

10 & 11) I got a vasectomy a while ago and if you look really really closely you can see two little scars right there on my nutsack.




Meh. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.

12) I totally shattered my hand during karate. TWICE.

It's shit like this that makes me wonder why I try to do anything physical AT ALL.


Next Episode: Scar Wars - Episode VI: Return of the Stupid Pooh Bear Mug SONOFABITCH


Unknown said...

you'd best confine yourself to a rocking chair for the duration.

Jen said...

You have a huge black penis. Why didn't you mention that before?

middle child said...

Oh...I so want to be in the same nursing home as you are. When the time comes I mean. Comparing scars and all that.

OMG! What Jen said...I am totally laughing. (and now looking forward to the nursing home even more!!!)

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