My badly Photoshopped celebrity dog - part 2

So, turns out I have a new hobby.

If you've seen my LOLJax posters and my previous "Jax as a celebrity" post, you know that I enjoy turning my dog into a sarcastic little shit.

Now I've taken it one step further and have started putting him into movie situations.

You're welcome.

Can you guess the movies or situations?!? GOOD LUCK!

Admittedly, some of these are pretty scary.

Also admittedly, all of them suck really badly.

My dog as a celebrity

So, turns out I have a new hobby.

If you've seen my LOLJax posters, you know that I enjoy turning my dog into a sarcastic little shit.

Now I've taken it one step further and have started putting him into movie situations.

You're welcome.

Can you guess the movies or situations?!? GOOD LUCK!

This is kind of starting to turn into a new hobby for me, so stay tuned.

LolzJax - the humiliation continues

I have a dog named, "Jax."

Jax is absolutely annoying as shit but he's cute and barks at nothing at all hours of the night and cries, like, ALL THE TIME and tears every single toy he owns to shit and now that I've read that I'm considering offering him free to a good home.

I kid.

I'm flexible on the 'good' part.

Regardless, I've taken to a new hobby which is completely taking up all my time at work these days.

(Sssshhhh. Boss doesn't know.)

What I've done is take pictures of him and made my own version of the LOLCat posters.

Here is a batch of them.

Enjoy.

Seriously. It's like all I do now.

SO AWESOME.

If you want to see more, check out the album on my Facebook Page.

Moog and Jax out.

Why my dog hates being alone with me

Because things like this happen:

This started because my friend, Lisa, dared me to do it after posting another dog with a mustache so, you know, GAME ON.

Thus prompting me to post it on Facebook because it was awesome.

I wish I had enough room on my hand to give him a goatee.

He'd look like a little fuzzy professor.

The Abominable Cute Little Puppy

I posted my Christmas pictures of my dog, Jax, with Santa because apparently that's what being single does to you.

It rots your mind and makes you pay for pictures of your dog with holiday figureheads.

True story.

After posting the picture on my Facebook page, someone commented:

"Have you noticed he has an abominable snowman on his chest?"

Here. Have a look:

Hm.

Don't see it?

Here..let me clarify it for you:

AAAAAAH!

Damn.

My dog is scarier than I thought. Santa is lucky he escaped with his life.

Rowrr.

Holiday Pup-lic Humiliation

Because I apparently have mental issues, I took my dog to have his picture taken with Santa, resulting in one of the saddest, most pathetic faces I have ever seen on any dog EVER:

How friggin adorable is Jax?

Then I got to thinking that this would make some of the best LOLJax pictures so, well, here you go:

He's going to kill me in my sleep.

I just know it.

My dog? THE MOST INTERESTING DOG IN THE WORLD. With apologies to that guy from Dos Equis.

I got an email the other day from some pet food place that reminded me that it was one year ago that I adopted my little buddy, Jax.

They included this picture:


I don't know where this pic came from and I'd never seen it before, but I especially love the skin-tight thing he's wearing which is obviously from his days as an exotic dancer.

Regardless, I've taken to a new hobby which is completely taking up all my time at work these days.

(Sssshhhh. Boss doesn't know.)

What I've done is take pictures of him and made my own version of the LOLCat posters.

Here is a batch of them.

Enjoy.











Seriously. It's like all I do now.

SO AWESOME.

If you want to see more, check out the album on my Facebook Page.

Moog and Jax out.

The BIG Problem with Jax

I've had my little dog, Jax, now since July and things are going along quite swimmingly except for his need to constantly know where I am or be in my goddamn feet all the time (trips and breaks face on counter) or just be around me all the time in general.

Case in point:


But the biggest peeve I have about my little guy is about his big peeve.

Let me explain.

Jax is HUNG.

Like..proportionally, if Jax was my height he would have a 10-inch penis.

I know what you're saying: "but isn't that only an inch longer than yours is already?" and you'd be right and I should probably have plastic surgery to slim my guy down and even out the playing field with the rest of the poor men out there, but we're not here to talk about me.

Focus, people. Focus.

The fact that Jax is the John Holmes equivalent of the canine world wouldn't be a problem if my dog actually knew how to pee.

That's right. Jax does not know proper pee form.

Here is how a normal boy dog usually pees:


With the exception of that last stupid dog in the picture, all those dogs have the proper male-dog pissing form down pat:

1) Approach object
2) Sniff object for 20 minutes
3) Move on to some other object
4) Repeat steps 1-3 six different times OH FOR GOD'S SAKE WILL YOU JUST PISS
5) Lift hind leg
6) Pee on object while looking at you, like, "Dude. I'm peeing. Take a picture it will last longer. WTF."

Simple, right?

Not for Jax.

Jax assumes this position when peeing:


In some dogs - mainly female dogs who have dog vaginas (dogjinas) or even male dogs who don't have a dog penis (dogeenis) that are roughly half their body length - peeing whilst in this stance wouldn't be a problem.

But for Jax and his canine Tommy Lee johnson of pain, this is what happens EVERY TIME HE PEES:

GAH.

Yes.

Jax never ever never ever fails to piss all over his front legs.

So. Awesome.

The unique combination of oversized dog schlong and forward leaning yoga stance results in my dog constantly giving himself golden showers.

I mean, I pee on my feet too but at least I'm in the shower when I'm doing it.

Now I'm considering contacting a cosmetic surgeon for dog-penis reduction surgery (patent pending) and now I seriously can't wait to see what kind of searches on Google this blog comes up in.

I have $5 on 'giant dog penis' or 'Angela Lansbury naked.' Who's in?! I take PayPal.

I've digressed.

My neighbors always know when I'm taking my dog for a walk because the air is filled with screams of "OH MY GOD STOP PEEING ON YOUR FEET" or "DUDE! The fuck."

I wonder if John Holmes had this problem.

Lucky dog.