This is way better than a Leg Lamp.

I called my publisher the other day to ask him a question, and he answered the phone like this:

"So, you like the email?"

Um.

Sure?

Me: "Uh..hi? What? What email?"

Tim: "Go check your email."

So of course I ran to check my email because I assumed Kate Upton was asking him how to get in touch with me.

Man, if I had a nickel.

But, no. Instead, what greeted me was THIS:

OMGOMGOMGOMG.

HOLY CRAP POOP!

And then I apparently fainted and was out cold for days because I woke up in the middle of my living room with my dog looking at me hungrily and I had a full beard.

So, yeah. I was a finalist in the "Humor/Comedy" category for the Next Generation Indie Book Awards but I think I'm more excited about winning a medal for it which I will wear all the time just like this:

I'm considering going to the ceremony so they can actually PUT THE MEDAL AROUND MY NECK because this is probably as close as I'll ever get to knighthood or doing something remotely athletic.

Awesome.

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If you haven't read my book yet, or would like to order 3,000 more copies of a Next Generation Indie Book Awards Finalist, you can get it in FULL COLOR paperback and Kindle versions here:

Things Go Wrong for Me - Amazon.com

BIG NEWS!! I'm Expanding my Empire... One Cookie at a Time

Remember Erin, my arch nemesis from the really cool Bitter Baking Company who I successfully blackmailed into giving me free cookies because she blatantly stole my Urban Dictionary term, "holemates?"

Well..check THIS OUT:


YES.

I know have my VERY OWN line of custom cookies on The Bitter Baking Company's website!! Each cookie has a quote from yours truly emblazoned on a delicious vanilla cookie.

Choose from such cookies as:








Check out all the sayings in my Bitter Baking Company cookie collection here.

Erin HAND BAKES and decorates each cookie per order in her very own kitchen and - trust me - they're wicked good.

Plus, if you buy any of my cookies I get a cut from the profits so, you know, buy in bulk because I'm saving up for a hot tub.

And don't forget to browse The Bitter Baking Company site for Erin's very own sarcastic cookie creations which - I'm sad to say - top mine in some cases.

So cool.

Thanks from both Erin and I and enjoy your cookies!

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Discounts:

People who order cookies online receive an email that they should share with friends and family. When their friends and family order cookies they get a 20% discount. Then the orginal person who ordered, referrer, receives a discount code for 35% of their next order. And so on, and so on.