My Line of Bitter Baking Company Cookies - Now with even MORE tasteless humor

Your choices of cookies from MY VERY OWN LINE of treats over at The Bitter Baking Company just got WAY more betterer.

As opposed to my grammar. Obviously.

For those of you who don't remember the story, check out the post that started it all...along with Erin's follow up that, well, cemented the deal.

Amazing.

When you go there, you'll see a "Mental Poo" category which the lovely Erin (I'm guessing here, I have no idea what she looks like) put together to showcase all of the CUSTOM COOKIES she can make for you with slogans written by yours truly.


Well, according to Erin my cookies have been FLYING off the shelves at a rate of nearly one cookie every once in a while, so in light of such amazing success we've decided to EXPAND the line to include "Divorce" cookies as well as throw in some new cookies in the "Romance" category.

DIVORCE COOKIES

Know someone going through a divorce or bitter breakup? How about pamper them with some heartfelt cookies like these?









ROMANCE COOKIES

In the mood to spread a little romance via tasty treat? Of course you are. Send that special someone one of these timeless classics:








They just tug at the heartstrings, don't they?

I can fully attest that the cookies are all hand-made by Erin and wicked good and totally worth it because (a) you'll make someone laugh and (b) Erin and I get money.

I see this as a win-win.

Enjoy your cookies and thanks for the order!!

*******************
UPDATE:

By sheer coincidence, The Indy Girls actually wrote a Spotlight Post today on The Bitter Baking Company and GUESS WHO IS MENTIONED IN IT.

*wink

Go read it. It's actually pretty cool. Then buy cookies. Don't forget to do THAT.

It's almost my birthday. BUY MY DAMN COOKIES.

In lieu of a weekly wrapup, and since it's almost my birthday (wink), I've decided to just go pimp out my new page of cookies over at The Bitter Baking Company.

For those of you who don't remember the story, check out the post that started it all...along with Erin's follow up that, well, cemented the deal.

Amazing.

When you go there, you'll see a "Mental Poo" category which the lovely Erin (I'm guessing here, I have no idea what she looks like) put together to showcase all of the CUSTOM COOKIES she can make for you with slogans written by yours truly.


You can choose from Mother's Day cookies like this:



Or Birthday cookies like this:


Or even relationship cookies, like this:



Awesome, right?

I can fully attest that the cookies are all hand-made by Erin and wicked good and totally worth it because (a) you'll make someone laugh and (b) Erin and I get money.

I see this as a win-win.

Enjoy your cookies and thanks for the order!!

Come on. You know you want a cookie.

In celebration of my first-ever 'Caption the Cookie' contest, and in lieu of a weekly wrapup, I've decided to just go pimp out my new page of cookies over at The Bitter Baking Company.

In case you were wondering, the winning cookie caption was this:


Click on the cookie, and you can buy it and many others with great taste and tasteless humor over at The Bitter Baking Company.

For those of you who don't remember the story, check out the post that started it all...along with Erin's follow up that, well, cemented the deal.

Amazing.

When you go there, you'll see a "Mental Poo" category which the lovely Erin (I'm guessing here, I have no idea what she looks like) put together to showcase all of the CUSTOM COOKIES she can make for you with slogans written by yours truly.


You can choose from Mother's Day cookies like this:



Or Birthday cookies like this:


Or even relationship cookies, like this:



Awesome, right?

I can fully attest that the cookies are all hand-made by Erin and wicked good and totally worth it because (a) you'll make someone laugh and (b) Erin and I get money.

I see this as a win-win.

Enjoy your cookies and thanks for the order!!

Fame. Free Cookies. WE HAVE A WINNER.

Well, folks, we have a winner in my contest sponsored by the amazing (yet somehow slightly bitchy/sarcastic/mean to me) Erin over at The Bitter Baking Company that we ran last week.



If you don't remember how The Bitter Baking Company and I got started, you can find the first time I accosted her here... and her reply here...naked pictures of Scarlett Johansson here...and then I got my own line of cookies here. No shit.

So we asked YOU, my readers to simply caption this cookie:



..and you guys really responded with some fantastic entries. So much so that we couldn't decide and put the top 3 captions (decided by Erin and yours truly) to a vote on my Facebook page.

The winning caption - after much deliberation - is from "Jennifer" (one of the first comments on the post) with:

"I was going to say 'I'm sorry' but it was totally your fault."

Brilliant.

So Erin then took the caption and put her own design on it.

THIS is what Jennifer's winning cookie will look like:


Nice. Like I haven't heard THAT before.

*rolls eyes*

So now all I need is a picture of Jennifer and we can Photoshop it into this:


Awesome.

Congratulations to Jennifer and for all those who participated!!

If you'd like to purchase Jennifer's winning cookie, you can go here.

If you didn't participate, I highly suggest reading the comments in the post. I also suggest heading over to The Bitter Baking Company website and ordering yourself some homemade hilarious cookies - especially from my line of cookies because mine are more awesomer.

Especially now that I have Jennifer's cookie added to the mix up there.

And no, I'm not apologizing. It's your fault, anyway.

Moog out.

Caption this Cookie. Win some cookies. Become IMMORTAL.

This is your 15 minutes of fame, people. Time to grab that golden ring.

Or, in this case, yummy cookie.

The lovely (no idea) and talented (meh) cookie goddess (true) over at The Bitter Baking Company and I have come up with..

..wait for it..

A CONTEST AND GIVEAWAY.

If you don't remember how The Bitter Baking Company and I got started, you can find the first time I accosted her here... and her reply here...naked pictures of Scarlett Johansson here...and then I got my own line of cookies here. No shit.

So while I'm on vacation this week, we're having a contest.

THE CONTEST

See this cookie?



CAPTION IT.

That's it. If you check out The Bitter Baking Company's site, and my page in particular, you'll see the type of stuff we're looking for.

Like this:



THE RULES

Meh. Nothing really. Just THINK FUNNY.

You can enter as many times as you'd like.

Just keep entering captions in the comment section below. Birthday cookie...anniversary cookie...vasectomy cookies...Christmas...sympathy... whatever. YOUR CHOICE.

Also..if you enter a caption, make sure I can get back to you. If you don't want to put your name in the comments, email it to me at midgetmanofsteel@yahoo.com.

WHAT THE WINNER GETS

Next week Erin and I will vote on the best caption and announce a winner.

The winner gets their cookie immortalized on The Bitter Baking Company's website and you...?

You get 6 custom cookies of your choice delivered to wherever or whoever you want.

Sound good? Yeah, I think so, too.


Have at it, you sick bastards. THINK FUNNY.

Good luck. We're all pulling for you.

But don't worry, we'll wash our hands before we make the cookies.

See you on the flip side.

Because every dad wants a cookie for Father's Day that mentions spanking

In lieu of a Weekly Wrap-Up this week, I'd like to simply bring attention to the fact that the lovely and talented Erin over at The Bitter Baking Company has put out.

Her line of Father's Day cookies.

See how important proper punctuation is there, people? You thought for a second that Erin gave up her flower instead of a tasty cookie product.

The more you know.

Regardless, you can also find MY VERY OWN LINE of Father's Day Cookies that are both delicious AND vicious.

Like these little ditties:


or this one:



Awesome, right?

Also, Erin has her very own Father's Day cookies which are, in my honest opinion, also very awesome. There are also cookies for almost every other occasion you can think of.

Head over to Bitter Baking Company and order yours today!

I can fully attest that the cookies are all hand-made by Erin and wicked good and totally worth it because (a) you'll make someone laugh and (b) Erin and I get money.

I see this as a win-win.

Enjoy your cookies and thanks for the order!!

Wrapping up the Week - May 6, 2012

Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...
My Posts from this Week:

My girlfriend. Calling her a 'saint' would be an understatement.

And then I brought my kids to work and a felony ensued.

************************

Moments in MENTAL POO History:


************************

A year ago this week on 'Mental Poo':


My son has to go to his first confession so, you know, we made a video of stuff he could confess because HE IS ONLY 8 YEARS OLD, PEOPLE.

Another of my "I'm Here to Help" letter responses goes horribly wrong.

It's like a Rorshach test but with an awesome bicep.

Mine.

************************

Two Years Ago this week on Mental Poo':


Some things that just, well, state the obvious.

..and then I got a raise and, honestly, I still question why.

Oh, yeah. My shampoo? Totally tried to kill me.

Totally.


************************

Three Years Ago this week on 'Mental Poo


How to fuck with your coworkers.

Take it from an expert.

Signing your kid up for tee-ball is like throwing a baseball but instead of a baseball it's 'money out the window.'

Awesome.

*********************
Four Years Ago this week on Mental Poo


The time I had to talk to a woman doctor about my diarrhea.

Yay.

*********************

Self pimping for the week:

Don't forget that yours truly NOW HAS HIS VERY OWN LINE OF COOKIES over at The Bitter Baking Company!!

Head over to Erin's site and grab yourself some deliciously vicious cookies today!

Thanks!!

ALSO:

SurferWife's 'Fashion Disasters' segment is back and I'm a regular caption contributor - here's this week's post.

************************
There you go, folks.

Some new shit, some old shit.

That should keep you busy.

See you on Monday.

Moog out.

***********************

Wrapping Up the Week - April 8, 2012

I know it's Easter but I'm doing my weekly wrap-up because I forgot to last week and also I have the greatest news EVER in that,,

..drumroll...

I NOW HAVE MY VERY OWN LINE OF COOKIES!!


That's right.

The Bitter Baking Company and I have joined our superpowers to bring you my very own line of sarcasm, humor and lack of tact and grace on a delicious vanilla sugar cookie!

Head to Bitter Baking Company and order yours today!

ONWARD!

******************



Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...
My Posts from this Week:

My kids and I went to International House of Pancakes and all we made was this disturbing coloring sheet.

Just another one of those weird conversations between my girlfriend and I that further proves that we're both mentally challenged.

COOKIE ANNOUNCEMENT!!

************************

Moments in MENTAL POO History:


************************

A year ago this week on 'Mental Poo':


My harassment of Fox News continues...

I recall the time that my parents used to make me drink. Life was so simple back then.

I think. Not sure. I was usually blacked out.

************************

Two Years Ago this week on Mental Poo':


I am such a jerk I sometimes even surprise myself.

Then I made another 'Dog Toys' video complete with farting.

smooooooth.

************************

Three Years Ago this week on 'Mental Poo


For Valentine's Day I got my wife nothing really, but on the bright side I went to see Monster trucks.

*********************
Four Years Ago this week on Mental Poo


I prepare for shoulder surgery.

Because having surgery is pretty much all I do in my spare time, obviously.

I recall having anesthesia for the surgery. Kind of.

Post-op ergo propter-op.

*********************

Some funny stuff that's not mine that I read this week:

We're all at it again over at SurferWife's blog with "Fashion Friday" and - of course - some of my captions made it in. Go check out this week's entries.

************************
There you go, folks.

Some new shit, some old shit.

That should keep you busy.

See you on Monday.

Moog out.

***********************

BIG NEWS!! I'm Expanding my Empire... One Cookie at a Time

Remember Erin, my arch nemesis from the really cool Bitter Baking Company who I successfully blackmailed into giving me free cookies because she blatantly stole my Urban Dictionary term, "holemates?"

Well..check THIS OUT:


YES.

I know have my VERY OWN line of custom cookies on The Bitter Baking Company's website!! Each cookie has a quote from yours truly emblazoned on a delicious vanilla cookie.

Choose from such cookies as:








Check out all the sayings in my Bitter Baking Company cookie collection here.

Erin HAND BAKES and decorates each cookie per order in her very own kitchen and - trust me - they're wicked good.

Plus, if you buy any of my cookies I get a cut from the profits so, you know, buy in bulk because I'm saving up for a hot tub.

And don't forget to browse The Bitter Baking Company site for Erin's very own sarcastic cookie creations which - I'm sad to say - top mine in some cases.

So cool.

Thanks from both Erin and I and enjoy your cookies!

*******************
Discounts:

People who order cookies online receive an email that they should share with friends and family. When their friends and family order cookies they get a 20% discount. Then the orginal person who ordered, referrer, receives a discount code for 35% of their next order. And so on, and so on.

Bitter Baking Blackmail, Part Deux

On Monday I wrote about how I apparently have some weird confectionery antagonist over at The Bitter Baking Company who - after caving in to my hollow threats and amazing pectorals - agreed to send me some of their cookies in lieu of litigation over their use of my term, "Holemates."

This is actually good news because I can't afford shit, let alone a lawyer trying to defend me against a giant cookie conglomerate.

Regardless, victory in hand I came home to find my mailman/woman (can't really tell, to be honest with you) dropping off my package of blackmail cookies.

That's when I looked to see that my arch nemesis, Erin, over at The Bitter Baking Company was still going for my sexy sexy jugular:


It's at this point that I'm starting to realize that Erin and I have some weird sexual tension going on that involves baked goods and sarcasm and, let's be honest here, isn't that the best kind?

I'm actually asking you guys. I have no idea.

Then I open that package and LO! there are two packs of cookies and one has my stolen term written on it just to rub my damn nose in the whole thing:


That's when I notice the message attached to one of the packs of cookies:


Amazing.

(please note that my first iteration of the above picture had a typo in it - karma, you are a total bitch)

You gotta love a company that (a) not ONLY gives in to your demands for free cookies based on hollow threats and several emailed self-portraits of yourself getting out of the shower but (b) has a great sense of humor about all this crap and plays along SO WELL.

Also, the cookies were nummy. So that helps.

Go get some cookies and tell Erin that I sent you.

Chick digs me.

*****************
UPDATE!!

Erin was kind enough to give YOU, my readers, a discount of 50% off orders equal or above $18.00 through 2/29/12!!

To take advantage of this offer, go to The Bitter Baking Company and order some stuff.

Then type "blackmail" in the Discount Code box and - voila! - cheap, sarcastic cookies!!

You're welcome.