Sometimes I don't even know how I can be this odd

Just some random crap that happened the other day at work.

Keep in mind I have no idea how this happens. It just does.

I got an IM from one of our software developers, Randy.

This is how that went:


I particularly like how Randy kind of kept going about what he ACTUALLY wanted to talk about up until the point he had to acknowledge that my pyramid was 'NICE' because I kind of backed him into a corner there.

Then..later that same day...


That is kind of what it's like to work with me.

Must be Hell.

Ron hurts, Facebook people. Ron hurts.

I was sitting in my house drinking alone and watching football because that's what you do when you're a single dad when it's winter and you just dropped your kids off at their mom's house and you're out of Celexa.

Great. NOW I'M SAD. Mainly because I'm at work, but whatever.

So I was sitting there in my all-alone stupor when I heard the faint *bling* of my Facebook Messenger pop up on my laptop.

So I got up and waddled over to find a message from one of my Facebook friends who I've never met and - honestly - have no idea who this person really is other than a fan, I'm assuming.

So, of course, this happened:

Poor Ron.

Someone should go cheer him up.

But not me. I'm drunk and still out of Celexa.

Voices in my head and kielbasa software

I have a love/hate relationship with the software developers where I work.

You see, my job is to find bugs (flaws) in pre-released software and report them to software developers so they can fix it before it goes out.

Yes. I'm responsible for product quality. I DO see the irony in this.

Case in point, this IM conversation between me and one of them - Larry - recently, where I had to tell him that a bug I approved as 'fixed' was actually still broken:


Larry didn't seem amused at that.

Go figure.

Shortly afterwards, though, I had a bug to look at where I needed to test the Polish language version to see if it was right.

I'm not Polish.

I don't speak Polish.

Hence, this:


Then he assigned the bug to some guy in Poland to see if it was fixed, clearing the way for me to write this post because that would have taken up, like, 15 minutes of my time.

Small miracles, people.

The Girlfriend Chronicles - Part Deux

After the success of the first "Girlfriend Chronicles," I figured I'd share some more excerpts with you guys of some chat conversations between my girlfriend and I.*

It's okay to be jealous.

However, after reading these I probably should have put a PG-13 or R rating on this because she kind of has a potty mouth. MOM YOU SHOULD PROBABLY LOOK AWAY RIGHT NOW!

*no feelings were harmed during the creation of this post because I essentially have none - like a Vulcan but with smaller ears yet with eerily similar super-strength












So, to all you single ladies out there, remember:

Sure, you may die alone. But it could be worse.

You could be MY girlfriend.

One legged baby races and a pretty odd conversation to begin with

In my first entry of "The Girlfriend Chronicles" series, I posted a few of my IM conversations with my girlfriend which only made her question why, exactly, she's with me at all.

But then I make my pecs dance while simultaneously juggling and singing the Alphabet Song and all her doubts magically disappear.

Today, though, I'm going to recreate a scene that happened during our trip to Target.

Living the dream, people. Living the dream.

To make this flow better, I crafted the conversation like an IM chat. It's prettier that way, trust me on this.

On the way into the parking lot, we noticed that the mall was advertising this:


..and then it started...


*I make a circle motion with my right hand while left hand runs straight past the hand just rotating in circles, obviously taking over the lead


*sigh

The prospect of entering my child into a one-legged baby race along diaper-saddled elderly people makes me want to reverse my vasectomy if nothing else but for the blog material and quite possibly the best home movie EVER.

I wonder how many other men have made that very same decision.

Probably just me.

The Girlfriend Chronicles

Just thought I'd share some excerpts with you guys of some chat conversations between my girlfriend and I.*

It's okay to be jealous.

However, after reading these I probably should have put a PG-13 or R rating on this because she kind of has a potty mouth. MOM YOU SHOULD PROBABLY LOOK AWAY RIGHT NOW!

*no feelings were harmed during the creation of this post because I essentially have none - like a Vulcan but with smaller ears yet with eerily similar super-strength














So, to all you single ladies out there, remember:

Sure, you may die alone. But it could be worse.

You could be MY girlfriend.

They love me here at work.

This is how popular I am here at work with our software developers.

Got this IM the other day from Andre - one of our developers - asking me for a database I was working on that he needed.


Feel the love?

Yeah. I do.

But I mainly feel my own love..since I'm kind of a jerkoff.