The Girlfriend Chronicles - I love you as much as a Korean import

After the success of my previous "Girlfriend Chronicles," posts, I figured I'd share some more excerpts with you guys of some chat conversations between my girlfriend and I.

It's okay to be jealous.

And you should probably send Kerri a sympathy card or something after reading these.

She puts up with a LOT.

Enjoy!

*****************

Seriously.

I can only afford to love you to Korea.

I think that's in a Van Halen song.

So, to all you single ladies out there, remember:

Sure, you may die alone. But it could be worse.

You could be MY girlfriend.

The Girlfriend Chronicles goes Cinco de WTF-O

After the success of my previous "Girlfriend Chronicles," posts, I figured I'd share some more excerpts with you guys of some chat conversations between my girlfriend and I.

It's okay to be jealous.

And you should probably send Kerri a sympathy card or something after reading these.

She puts up with a LOT.

Enjoy!

*****************

..and then on Facebook everyone corrected me because it's called a 'tilde' not a 'tilda' and guess who has two thumbs and really doesn't give a shit?

Then..

For some reason Kerri plays all these games on Facebook (or, as she says, her "son plays them" (rolls eyes)) and then all these game achievements get posted on her page so it's not uncommon to see shit like this:

Reach for the stars, baby.

Reach for the stars.

So, to all you single ladies out there, remember:

Sure, you may die alone. But it could be worse.

You could be MY girlfriend.

I'm so romantic it makes me want to plagiarize shit

Today is October 17th which represents the 2-year anniversary of when my girlfriend, Kerri, and I met on Match.com which is a story in itself and involves Susan Boyle.

True story.

Regardless, to show how much Kerri means to me I sometimes go crazy romantic and post shit on her Facebook page.

Like this.

Happy dating anniversary, honey.

Love,

Steve Perry

The Girlfriend Chronicles - take 3

After the success of the first "Girlfriend Chronicles," and then the second one, I figured I'd share some more excerpts with you guys of some chat conversations between my girlfriend and I.

It's okay to be jealous.

This, though, is kind of special because Kerri will be celebrating her 40th birthday on Friday, which means I am now on the prowl for something younger.

Just kidding, babe.*

*not kidding **

** Honey if you're still reading this I am TOTALLY kidding

Enjoy!

*****************
In this first one, I had sent out an invite on Facebook to the party I was throwing for her but since she was now going to be elderly I wanted to make it something special and thus called it her '40th Birthday EXTRAVAGANZA.'

The problem is that I had no ideas on how to make it an extravaganza other than to get everyone completely shitfaced.












Ah. Sometimes she gives as she gets.

*wink

So, to all you single ladies out there, remember:

Sure, you may die alone. But it could be worse.

You could be MY girlfriend.

I'm a Terrible Matchmaker

A little while ago I attempted to help one of my fine female readers by helping her with her own Match.com profile.

"How did it go," you ask?

Ahem.

These are some of the updates she sends me from her, um, 'suitors.'

Enjoy.



*insert blank stare here*

Next:



So, obviously my tweaks to her profile on Match.com are actually working in reverse so we changed it a little to weed out some riff-raff and..well...


Well, that certainly didn't work.

Of course I feel bad for the quality of man she's getting offers from and try to console her:



Oooh! One more!


So after that one we put in some things about how you should actually be able to spell or create a cohesive, understandable thought which, honestly, actually fits the first guy she heard from AND - as an extra bonus - he'll probably clean your house.

Of course, he'll probably be wearing that French Maid outfit while he does it.

Seriously. I think she's overly picky.